I don't often feel compelled to write reviews on pubs but, having just returned from a three course meal at this pub, I was so appalled that a review simply had to be written.
To put this in context, I am not local to Tewkesbury: I had the misfortune to be part of a coach party that had stopped for a pre-booked Christmas dinner. There were 33 of us, with 5 people who had previously booked unable to attend due to illness. A deposit had been paid, but the staff insisted that we pay full price for their meals anyway. This had me worried immediately, as it suggested that our meals had already been cooked and were sitting under a heat lamp waiting to be served (an hour later). Sadly, my worst fears were soon to be confirmed.
Starters: Visually, rather appetising. Sadly, our first disappointment. There were three starters served on out table, so I would like to share some of our tables' comments:
Prawn Cocktail (mine): Looked lovely. Upon closer inspection, this part of the meal consisted of frozen prawns, iceberg lettuce and 'rose-marie' dressing (on the side, weirdly). The dressing was too sour, but the real disappointment was the bread. A sliced baguette looked promising, but it was oddly chewy, not crusty or soft. I couldn't work out why, until a friend pointed out that it tasted "like it's been kept in the fridge". Mystery solved. Disappointing.
Soup: "Consistency of baby food," apparently. Looked watery and sad.
Breaded mushrooms: "Dry and flavourless".
I would like to take this opportunity to mention the service, as it was at this stage of the evening that we began to realise it was rather poor. We began to politely request our complimentary bottles of wine, which were included as part of our deal. This polite request was met with a rude "in a minute!" from the duty manager, who couldn't bring herself to smile once during the course of the evening. Her colleague, a mere waitress, was friendly and charming, but the duty manager was exceptionally unfriendly. A big no-no for somebody working in the food service industry,
Main course:
Being the only person choosing the salmon at our table, I had to wait an additional HALF-HOUR for my meal, from when the first person received their turkey. She had long-finished her meal by the time mine arrived. Disappointing again. As for the food...
Salmon (mine): Having waited such a long time, I was salivating at the mere sight of my salmon fillet and roast potatoes. At this point, the jokes about the food were coming thick and fast, with one suggesting the reason it had taken so long was that they'd had to fish it out of the koi pond first. Well, koi carp would have tasted better that this atrocity. It had obviously been sitting under the heat lamp for over an hour and was the driest, most flavourless salmon I've ever tasted. I couldn't eat it. The roast potatoes were good, but had, no doubt, come out of the freezer, rather than cooked from fresh. Well done, Aunt Bessie.
Turkey: These people had the privilege of being served first, but that didn't make it any less disappointing. The turkey looked like something you'd get out of a packet to put on your sandwiches. Definitely not from an actual bird. There were two dry stuffing balls, the size and consistency of ping pong balls. The 'bisto' gravy was a tiny watery dribble, not even wetting the stuffing or Yorkshire pudding. Sad. Very sad. Again, compliments to Aunt Bessie though - the Yorkshire puddings were highly praised. Obviously out of the freezer.
Beef: Strongly resembling an old leather jacket of mine, this was the lowest-rated food on the table. An elderly woman's polite request for mustard met with an irritated sigh from the duty manager.
Dessert:
"Surely they can't mess up dessert!" Think again.
Profiteroles (mine): I love profiteroles. I would happily dive into a pool of them, given the opportunity. Just the thought of a pile of profiteroles, dripping in chocolate sauce, had me salivating like a lunatic. Out came five profiteroles surrounding a mountain of squirty cream with a sad drizzle of CHOCOLATE SYRUP (you know, the type you put on ice-cream if you're five years old). You see, the thing about profiteroles, which the "chef" at the Black Bear probably doesn't know, is that they have cream inside them already, thereby negating the need for any additional cream! I shouldn't know more about food than the person cooking it. I ate the profiteroles with whatever chocolate I could find. They were ordinary. I think they were a special offer from Iceland.
Christmas pudding: The best review I heard was "Well, it's not as bad as it looks". It looked disgusting. Perhaps the triumph of the night.
Summary:
Pros: One friendly waitress; lovely old building.
Cons: Appalling service from duty manager; charged us for meals that we hadn't wanted; each polite request was met by thinly-veiled contempt from miserable woman; had to request complementary wine repeatedly; half-hour wait for read more
