Look, there are these unwritten rules in the English hotel industry, and they go something like this:
1. no matter what grade of hotel you wish to keep, always make sure that you never do any more than is strictly necessary to reach that grade
2. never let your customers forget that you're basically doing them a favour by letting them come and mess the place up
3. if there's a way you can shave a few pennies off your costs, for gordon's sake do it
4. putting tea and coffee make facilities in the roommakes up for pretty much any inconvenience your guests might suffer as a result of the first three
The Upper Reaches is, I can categorically state, a classic English hotel.
Don't get me wrong - I've stayed in far worse places. Not all of them were even in England. But it wears you down when you keep coming up against the unwritten rules. Here are a few examples from my most recent visit:
- Breakfast starts at 7am. This means that the kitchen staff turn up at 7am. Furthermore, they only have a household toaster. If you actually want to eat and go before 7.30, it's cereal only for you.
- The shower is, by English standards, not awful. However, the soap they provide is a small round ball about 2cm in diameter. Quite fancy, but totally useless for washing oneself.
- We asked the Night Porter (who starts at about 7pm) for an umbrella. He said they didn't have one, but that we ought to be able to dodge between the raindrops.
- At breakfast you always have to ask for ketchup or brown sauce, it is never offered.
You see what I mean - it's like death by a thousand cuts. Nothing fatal on its own, but over an extended stay it adds up.
I recommend the Upper Reaches because it is a lovely setting on the Thames in a beautiful old town (if you discount the Bury St shopping precinct). I recommend it because it is no worse than hundreds of other hotels big and small across the nation and it is better than many. But I criticize because with just a little imagination from the management it could be so much more pleasant and really stand out from the crowd. read more