The Lowdown:
There is now a kiosk in Valley Fair, Twindom, which will print a 3-D statue of yourself. The kiosk takes 91 photos from all angles, and compiles these images to create the replica. Pricing starts at $39, and the replicas come in 3.5 and 7 inch sizes. And yes- this is a real thing.
So can we all agree, this is kinda creepy? I have no idea why anyone would want a 3D printed replica of themselves. It is essentially the peak of narcissism. Who would actually get this? I can only imagine the type of person who also has a portrait of themselves hanging above their fireplace. Or....
Couples. Definitely couples. All I can think of is the overly-attached-girlfriend-type dragging their significant other along for a "replica shoot." Imagine that poor schmuck's day: Gets dragged to the mall, sits on those short round couches with no comfortable backing while cursing life as they have no more Trivia Crack lives, overpays for frozen yogurt as a mid-shopping pick-me-up, then has to go pose for a replica photo-shoot. Right at the end of all of this- they realize that their significant other changed outfits prior to leaving so that they both would match. Then it all begins to makes sense- it was a planned attack. The entire day was meant to wear down morale and pride, to the point where they would finally say "Sure, we'll get a replica of us, but you DO promise that we can leave after?"
So, ya- there is basically no reason that this kiosk should exist. The above scenario really puts into perspective the Native American stance of not allowing pictures of themselves to be taken, claiming that it would "steal a part of their soul." As usual, the Natives were wise beyond their years, ahead of the curve. This truly sounds like a soul-sucking process.
That being said, if I ever get in super good shape- I'm going straight to Twindom shirtless so I can make a replica to show the grandkids. How else are the future whipper-snappers supposed to know that grandpa is OG?
-Eddie B. Teach (http://the408archives.com) read more