Here at Tudor Manor, we spare EVERY expense![part 1]
CONSTRUCTION: Muse Management charges premium rates for our 200sq ft rooms that boast construction so cheap your neighbor's cough will wake you up at night! It also guarantees that walking up our claustrophobic stairwells provides a tangible heat increase on par with ascent into Hell.
We adhere to the judicious use of current industry buzz-words that actually have little to no meaning in order to explore the gray areas of our lease and WA law! Words like "eco friendly" (toilets that barely flush, sub-standard pipes that barely drain) and "energy efficient" wiring (sub standard and guaranteed to blow a fuse if you try to run an air conditioner and your PC, for example). Our outlets are set into the wall at odd angles and frequently broken, dissuading you from using them and thereby improving efficiency!
AMENITIES: We say these are micro-studios but legally for that to be true each unit must offer a full kitchen. These are EFFICIENCIES, not STUDIOS - micro or otherwise - but never mind that small fact, the word "studio" = hundreds more $$$'s for us when we advertise!
While we do offer a common use oven and refrigerator at some of our other locations, Tudor residents enjoy a common oven and the mini fridge in their rooms. These bottom-of-the-line mini fridges are too small to fit a quart of milk in - but that won't matter since they freeze, leak, and break regularly. If you try to turn them up to temperatures that actually keep food cold they blow the energy efficient wiring! This is also the excuse we offer as to why we will not provide a refrigerator in the communal kitchen we illegally describe as "full" here.
The microwaves are thoughtfully mounted under a cabinet and leak onto the only counter space you have.
We have installed a tiny bar sink for your use as both kitchen and bathroom sink. This bar sink is not meant to actually handle that water load as the pipes are sub-standard in size, so it does not drain and backs up regularly. It is also placed conveniently under the only kitchen cabinet you have, reminding you of your good fortune when you bump your head every time you use it. Yes, we could have installed a slightly larger sink that uses standard pipes for our tenants, but that would have been about $40 more a unit and we needed new handbags. Our efficiency saved cost, space and time there!
If you are lucky enough to get one of our cute and slightly larger lofts, please note that the ladders are attached with 2 screws and frequently come off - with you on them (see photo). The screws regularly back out of the steps, and we do not provide any kind of safety rails. If you are in the loft, be aware that you can easily fall out while leaning over the ladder area, especially after leaning down and smashing your head on the ladder ends. These twin punji sticks extend deceptively deep into your available space, causing you to lean awkwardly when walking in the open loft. We have been meaning to do something about that, honest.
We include internet on your lease. The land line is quite fast, when it works. We will give you the login and PW for wifi that does not work. The reason for this is our cost - er, I meant energy-efficient wiring system (see photo)! Upgrading to a real router and wiring probably would have cost a couple hundred total and we needed a Keurig at the office. Yes, we know the lease states that we provide internet, but we don't read the lease! Why are you? [note: they did finally upgrade to comcast routers literally 2 days after I moved out. over a year after I moved in. And now apparently you have to pay extra for it. Internet is included in ALL competing "micro studios" - as are full kitchens].
We charge a monthly fee to use our laundry closet. It is the size of a bathroom and stuck around and behind the buildings so it's a bit of a trek. Its also totally secluded, which is why your things will be stolen if you leave them there. We are aware of this problem and feel that telling you we plan to get some sort of security someday is an excellent solution!
LAYOUT: We provide the cheapest possible built-in shelving, anchored permanently to the wall in the most inconvenient areas possible. Remember, the unit is only 200 sq ft (if you are lucky) so what difference does it really make? You don't have any room for belongings anyway. Why offer closets when you are living in one?
Yes, we know we could have moved the door 5 inches to the right to allow you to actually open it all the way but that would have taken planning and therefore money and more time - remember, we are all about efficiency here!
PARKING: We charge full rates for micro parking also. These spots are too small for a compact car to open its doors, and we act like double parking everyone is A-OK! This is Seattle - ride a bike!
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