I wish I could give Tobin a higher rating, but I felt compelled to call out something wrong or…read moresubstandard, especially if it disturbs my moral compass. Also, we do live in a country and system where it's acceptable to rate a service that we've paid for - in total I paid Tobin ~$3,000 for couple and individual sessions between January and April 2023. The individual sessions were $220/hour.
Things didn't work out between my former partner and me following our work with Tobin, who my former partner had introduced us to. This outcome may be for the better, as there was no way the relationship could have continued in the form it was in. As is in the case of any relationship that suffers fall from grace, it's usually both parties that contribute to that fall. In our case, the biggest issue for me was my former partner had dropped a diamond four times (three times after admitting it was wrong), repeatedly saying that I "feel entitled to US Citizenship" - a crappy view to hold towards an immigrant who has spent 25 years enduring a dysfunctional immigration system to become a US Citizen. I had to go through an extra long process in the employment-based route due to my Indian national origin.
That said, in Tobin's field of work, it's important for an individual to be unbiased and have good judgement. I don't think Tobin lives up to that standard. My life's work has focused on improving healthcare, which includes wellness coaching and and counseling. The counseling and wellness coaching world is still very much the wild west and I feel like it's my responsibility to speak up when I perceive someone as not being fair as a result of being motivated by questionable incentives.
Following the first time my partner dropped the diamond that was most important to me, Tobin and I had a 1:1 session. He acknowledged that dropping the diamond was a big deal, rare, and wrong. But when we met with him as a couple after that, he acted as though the diamond drop had not occurred at all. I lost trust in Tobin after that session. And, following that session, my former partner went on to drop the same diamond 3 more times before we eventually split in June 2023.
I made it clear to Tobin that I had lost trust in him at the session described above. He apologized but then added there is some justification / nuance for someone saying to me that I "feel entitled to Citizenship" multiple times, given my 25 year pathway. I asked him what possible justification there could be for this egregious behavior. He committed to getting back to me on this multiple times, starting June 2023, but still has not, despite my follow ups. I gave up on following up with Tobin in September 2023.
That said, I want to highlight what Tobin did well. The two stars I'm giving Tobin here are for:
1) Showing me and my ex-partner the diamond exchange methodology for resolving relationship issues, although again, I wish Tobin practiced what he preached more assertively
2) Preaching certain communication skills
3) Rightly acknowledging that I had been thrown a "curved ball" when my former partner essentially decided she wanted to end the relationship because I got frustrated and verbally protested for the first time in 3+ years of dating due to what ended up being a false accusation made by her. Tobin validated the view of a close friend that this behavior was not normal on her part. He also agreed that I had done more than what 99% of men would not do for the sake of rejuvenating the relationship. This included nursing us back to our feet after a car hit us while we were walking and putting up with my most important diamond not being honored.