For many years, I have been living a certain sedentary lifestyle, I was a shell of a man, latebricole in nature and even more so in real life. However, recently I found myself on a wee bit of a walkabout with my mate when we heard the holws of what I assumed to be a large beast growing rabid in the full moon light. Now I admit this wasn't my finest moment, but I shoved my mate to the ground and took off running in order to save myself and sacrifice him. After all, he had slept with my ex wife so we were on the outs anyway.
With the rain slowing me down, I stumbled in this charming pub. In all my excitement, I had worked up quite the appetite, and was pleasantly surprised that it was trivia night. I joined a group of nerdy men and we cheekily named our team "Nine Inch Males". After being the only one who knew that water polo is the oldest team sport in the modern Olympics, my new mates bought me a proper pint of the black stuff, which greatly complimented the Mac and cheese affectionately named "The Scottish" which amplified the classic recipe with the addition of either traditional haggis or vegetarian haggis (whatever that is).
After a few more pints, my new mates and I celebrated with a toast. When I took out my wallet, a picture of my girlfriend fell out and my new friend picked it up and asked if he could have a go at her. So it looks like he won't be making it home tonight...
No pictures because that would be incriminating.
In any case, thank you Thornwood for a lovely evening. Highly recommended. A special thank you to Ken, whom I believe is the delivery man for this establishment but for some reason would not stop offering me assistance to the water closet even though I had no need. However, once I did need to use the facilities, I was thankful Ken's strong yet smooth hands were there to help me aim. Now, since the war, I have not been in the habit of allowing strong, persistent Scottish men handle my naughty bits, but who could refuse that smile, and cash.
Cheers! read more