I was never quite sure what the "lipstick on a pig" experience was truly like until my friends and I came here for supper last night.
Let me start off with the positives:
-The service was excellent, from all staff. They were very attentive, keeping drinks constantly filled, and being available to explain menu items or demonstrate techniques at the drop of a hat.
-My friend said her snow crab legs were good, if slightly overpriced.
-The fried rice was actually decent, with a good amount of scallops and shrimp throughout. Spice level was mild, which I appreciated, as my friends don't have the spice tolerance I have. That being said, it could have used some additional veggies in it, instead of just corn, to help with texture and flavour, as it was all just one big spoonfull of chewy textures.
Now, the harsh reality:
-Their crayfish SUCK. The only reason two of us had come to the restaurant was because we were hoping for the authentic Louisiana crayfish boil experience. When I found out that they can't get them in fresh, it made way more sense why they were so bad, because these critters were muddy and bitter like none other. I get that you're trying to do something different, but if you can't do it right, stick to simplicity.
-Their potato side dish is inexplicable. I get that you're sticking to a theme, and potatoes and corn are part of the usual boil, but for the love of god, could I please have a fork? Awkwardly holding half a boiled potato in my hand is a terrible look on a date, thanks. At the very least, why not cut them into smaller pieces that I could pop into my mouth while I'm struggling to shell your bad crayfish?
-The Captain's Boil sauce is TERRIBLE. Oh my god it sucks so bad. You know all that great stuff about a good Cajun seasoning? Imagine taking that, watering it down, muddying the flavours with random additives, and then further diluting that so that your abortion of a sauce didn't even impart flavour into the seafood. You know how the best part of a good boil is sucking the heads for that spicy goodness? NOT AROUND HERE IT ISN'T. You just get muddy water.
-Their chicken should be classified as hate speech. I've never seen someone mistreat an animal like that before in my life. They give you this warning when you order it about how "it's boiled, so the texture's a little different", but then it comes out, and it's this slimy, gelatinous, inedible mess. All 3 of us who tried a bite of it jerked our heads back in physical repulsion as our teeth sank into it. Listen, waitress, I have boiled chicken before, several times, and it doesn't cause the damn thing to denature into something akin to butter flavoured Jell-O. I don't know what in god's name your chefs are doing back there, but they deserve a trial at The Hague for crimes against humanity. TAKE THIS ABOMINATION OFF YOUR MENU. IT'S SO BAD. SO SO SO BAD.
-$8 for mother-loving BROCCOLI in your boil. Let that sink in.
-And should to manage to suffer through the meal and pray to God to at least cleanse your palate with a simple dessert, just so you don't feel like you've wasted your one night away from the kids this week, he looks down on you and laughs, for he has no power in this place, as Satan's masterful plan to torment you has finally been revealed when the server informs you that they don't bother with a dessert menu, preferring to let you suffer with the greasy remnants of your meal on your tongue for the rest of the evening, as a harsh reminder of the consequences of your actions. read more