I found it odd that most of the go-to locations in Portree are closed this time of year (November). If they were so popular, wouldn't they remain open? Our plans to visit several highly regarded locations ended up being indefinitely postponed and we wandered around Portree looking for a backup.
We found one with The Cafe, simply called The Cafe. At least that's what appeared on the sign above the door. It makes sense a town as small at Portree would have businesses simply called "The" something, The Bar, The Pub, and so forth. We passed a sign that said "Indian Restaurant". That's it, just Indian Restaurant. Why bother trying if you're the only one. However, I discovered later that the cafe in question is actually called the Caledonian Cafe. They call themselves The Cafe because, in their view, they are not a simple cafe, but The Cafe, like they're the Ur cafe, the proto-cafe. Paragon cafe, the primordial cafe, the ancient ancestral spawning ground where all cafes--you know what, I'm getting off base here. It's called the Caledonia, let's move on.
Not as a criticism, but Caledonia is a cafe, billed as a restaurant, but with an ice cream parlour. All of this crammed in a very tight space, with only a few tables rationed for customers. No wonder the cafe stays open all year, it's three different businesses. Alas, we could only review one of those. Being lunch time, and the final days of autumn, we opted for the cafe...I mean The Cafe.
We both ordered sandwiches, well a wrap and a panini. I had the toasted Panini filled with pesto, brie, tomato and red onion chutney while my girlfriend had the toasted wrap with chicken, smoked bacon and caeser dressing. Both were served with the cafe's signature chips. I'll take a moment to discuss those. Instead of fries or bag-delivered crisps, we were given homemade tortillas topped with salsa. If I ordered just those, I'd be happy. Thankfully the sandwiches did not disappoint. I'm glossing over them because they greatly overshadowed by the milkshakes. I admit, I'm five years old and I love milkshakes. I couldn't help but order one, vanilla, while my girlfriend ordered the banana. These were incredible, served with a scoop of homemade ice cream and topped with whipped cream, flake and sprinkles. More than worth their price, which was reasonable in itself.
Taken on looks alone, the Caledonia isn't terribly spectacular, with no distinguishing features to set it apart from a hundred different cafes I had already been in. It's cosy, perhaps a tad snug, like my pants after devouring that milkshake. The only attribute marked in my memory, not unlike the spray-painted sheep we kept seeing on our journeys through Skye, was the amazing accent of the employee that waited on us. I learned this was highland Scottish. Can I declare that my favorite Scottish regional accent?
All The Cafe needs now to earn its name as the primus of all cafes is a bakery, free WiFi, a stage for novelty acts, twenty flavors of crapachino, and a view not of real estate brokers of house in Skye but the landscape of the island itself. I'm not saying it needs all of that, but these are the attributes of many cafes I've been in across the world. Is an ice cream parlour adequate? Yup, good enough for me.
Food: 4/5
Service: 4/5
Presentation: 3/5
Value: 4/5
Recommendation: 3.75/5 read more