I waited a while after the end of the program to write this to see if the feeling & changes would…read morecontinue... & YEP I still feel great, in charge, and most importantly free.
I felt a desire and opportunity for me to do more in my life, to make more decisions, to act with more intent. I wanted more for and from myself. I just didn't know how to get there. And I "tried", because I'm a fake-it-til-you-make-it kinda person. But instead, the list of things I didn't do, didn't address or procrastinated on would just morph into a looming gray cloud. Until one morning, a best friend suggested getting a life coach. In a few minutes, I googled, clicked the first yelp link, liked what I read, filled out their intake form and waited for their response. Though I was skeptical of life coaching, I knew that if I took too long to research or contemplate it, I would never do it. And I was tired of "not doing". Devin responded within a day and explained the coaches' different approaches. Hana had a background in psychotherapy, and for a person who didn't feel much synergy with the traditional therapy setting, I thought this background in this context would be extremely helpful and I was not wrong.
Hana Ramat very simply, and profoundly, helped me get out of my own way. I was shackled to unhealthy and unrealistic habits and ways of thinking that prevented me from being my best self, doing my best work, and evolving. She took my goals and helped me break down that looming gray cloud into small, tangible, impactful changes. I can't get over the tremendous impact the smallest changes had on my spirit and energy, transforming my day to day. She was diligent in holding us accountable to the changes/steps we were making towards the goals. If something wasn't working, we'd go back and tweak the changes so that I was able to commit it, so that I could feel the "win". And that's when I knew this was working, when I was experiencing more wins, because that I meant I was doing it.
A full circle moment for me was in our 12th and final session. I noted at the beginning of the program that I wanted to drastically change my relationship with alcohol. We created some parameters around this which I adhered to...some of the time. While I knew this goal was important to me, I would allow myself to shrug it off and just settle on the fact that at least it wasn't like before--until the weekend before my last session. I had a couple of simple interactions that for some reason would replay over and over in my head. And through the constant loop of playbacks, it became crystal clear to me that alcohol no longer served a purpose for me and often times would be at odds with the mental, spiritual, emotional work I was doing. It didn't jive with all the positive changes I was making, and I LOVED who I was becoming because of these changes-- which meant alcohol had to go. When I arrived at this decision, the weight lifted off my shoulders and I danced. I felt truly free because I was picking myself over unhealthy behavior. It felt SO GOOD. It wasn't about the pressure or decision of sobriety, it was about feeling empowered to know better and do better in ALL aspects of my life--small, big, easy or heard. Hana helped me do that.
I definitely still have some work to do toward my goals but I feel ready and capable to do that work now more than I've ever.
I also would like to note there was truly no room in my budget for this program. But I knew that it would be an investment in myself so I just went for it. Hana was very understanding and worked with me on a payment schedule. Even better, is that I've now committed to continue to reinvest this money into my personal betterment, so I'm continuing monthly sessions with Hana, looking into personal trainer next, and coding class to follow.
Lastly (thanks for hanging there and reading this), a testament to Hana's work is not only my personal testimony but that of family & friends around me. Here's what my best friend of 11 years had to say:
"I've known Jen for what feels like a lifetime- we've pretty much grown up together. Watching the changes she has been able to effectuate in herself, and the power she has commanded over her choices and actions over the last few months has been a treat to witness. From the outside, it was the process of getting to watch Jen walk through the steps of getting to know herself, what serves her and does not serve her. The outcome of that walk is a genuine lightness to (and through) Jen since working with Hana. She has a confidence in her decision making that has replaced what was once a semblance of control. Honestly, in a lot of ways, it feels like she re-found her ground, the foundation has been renewed, and she is standing taller and brighter than she has in a very long time. You can feel the difference in her, and most importantly SHE can feel the difference. As a best friend, that's literally the most (and best) one can ask."
Long story short-- just do it.