If you are seeking a marriage counselor to destroy all that's left of your troubled marriage, Michelle Bohls is the perfect choice for you. If you are actively having an affair and seek a sympathetic therapist to support your selfish desire to wreck your marriage and family, Michelle is right for you. If you are a married woman seeking a therapist with an unmistakable bias against men to side with you against your husband at all times, Michelle is an ideal choice.
In all seriousness, my purpose in writing this review is to help other married couples avoid the train wreck that awaits you should you select Michelle Bohls as your "marriage counselor." Everything I relate here about the experience my wife and I had with Michelle is factual.
My wife and I had very the unfortunate experience of working with Michelle over a one year period, both individually and together. From day one, Michelle caused damage. In fact, her reckless actions and terrible advice very nearly caused us to divorce -- multiple times.
One of the first things Michelle will tell you is that she doesn't take sides, and that "The Relationship is her client." She most certainly will takes sides (with the wife), and will do so in the most egregious and unethical ways possible. What she *really* means is that her goal is for the two of you to get along and be pals -- whether you remain married or not.
Saving your marriage is NOT Michelle's goal. From her own website: "Marriage counseling is all about figuring out what you want." If you don't feel like being married anymore (because you just had an affair), Michelle is completely supportive of that. She is far more concerned with new-age ideals like "getting in touch with your inner child" than with the success of your marriage.
Michelle is utterly clueless about how to save a marriage torn apart by an affair. She did everything wrong, and I mean everything. Rehashing every painful moment of your marriage at a time when your marriage is in extreme crisis will not save the marriage, it will kill it.
Michelle tried a different strategy every time we saw her. Zero continuity. In fact she even said at one point that she was just "throwing stuff out there to see if it sticks."
Michelle is the polar opposite of encouraging. She begins with the premise: "I have no idea if your marriage will work, and it may not."
She consistently presents what is nothing more than her opinion as fact She also quotes the results nonexistent research studies.
Michelle has a clear and unmistakable bias against any method or approach that is not hers. On multiple occasions she expressed her negative opinions about other counseling approaches, psychiatrists and drug therapy. She made it very clear she believes common antidepressant medication is unnecessary and always inferior to "counseling." When my wife or I would suggest something we thought would help us, Michelle routinely shot it down.
When negotiations and compromise were desperately needed between my spouse and me, Michelle quickly sided with the one who was least willing, taking the position that there is no point in trying if one of you doesn't "feel like it." Don't expect Michelle to help you and your spouse negotiate or resolve anything.
She is a fervent believer in structured communication to ensure both parties are "heard," yet she will consistently interrupt and talk over you, not hearing a single thing you've said.
She will pay lip service to, but ultimately fail to honor simple requests such as: Please stop telling us "I have no idea if your marriage will survive "every time we meet with you.
Michelle routinely recommends books she admits she's never read. She also recommends books and internet videos that contain some truly bizarre and unusual ideas about relationships.
On multiple occasions, Michelle disclosed things to my wife or me that were told to her in confidence during individual sessions with her. These betrayals of confidential information nearly ended our marriage and caused damage to other relationships as well.
She advised my clinically-depressed wife not to see a psychiatrist and not to obtain a formal prescription for antidepressants as this would weaken her legal position related to child custody if we ultimately divorced.
At one point Michelle told my wife that she was "praying" that I would meet another woman and begin an affair myself as this would make it much easier for my wife to get out of the marriage with minimal conflict.
Michelle also actively encouraged my wife to develop a secret plan to leave the marriage, hide money and "pretend" things were better between us to buy herself more time to prepare.
At one point, Michelle's extremely poor selection of a (violent and totally inappropriate) metaphor left my wife shaken for weeks. Although she later apologized, the incident was entirely revealing of Michelle's overall recklessness and lack of skill as a counselor. read more