I chose Hotel Monarca in part because of the price, in part because the rating was pretty good, and…read morein part because they advertised that the staff speak English. I have basic level Spanish skills, but I'm definitely not equipped to deal with unexpected or complicated problems that might pop up--so it's useful to have have English-speaking staff on hand. The hotel also advertises a hotel shuttle (available for an extra fee). All good. In theory.
I arranged to have the shuttle pick me up at the airport since I was coming in pretty late. The hotel said the driver would be waiting for me in reception with my name on a sign. Perfect. Except when I emerged from passport control, the driver was nowhere to be found. And then he started texting me...in Spanish. I translated the texts and answered him back (in translated Spanish). I managed to get to the door where he said he was waiting. Except he wasn't there. And then he called me. My Spanish isn't nearly as strong as it needed to be to successfully take a phone call like that...especially not when late at night when I've been flustered. I eventually found the driver, but the whole thing was a bit of a clusterf***--nothing went as the hotel promised, and my basic Spanish knowledge didn't help the situation.
So I finally arrive at the hotel, and the front desk guy is ensconced behind BULLET PROOF GLASS. That didn't exactly make me feel good about the hotel. Not only that: the desk clerk didn't speak English, as the hotel advertised. He was also surly (not sure if he's generally surly, or if he was just mad that my Spanish wasn't better). But whatever--we finally figure things out, and I go to my room. By the way, the room key was on a maxipad-shaped plastic key ring (not just shaped, but the size of a maxipad. The key ring was massive).
The room was . . . fine. It was very clean, so it had that going for it. There's a step down into the room that I wasn't expecting. Very basic: bed, a desk, a bar to hang your clothes, a pad of paper, and a pen. Bathroom was large for a hotel bathroom. I discovered that to get hot water, one must allow the shower to run for about 10 minutes with only the hot water turned on--which make me feel guilty because there's a sign on the wall asking guests to help conserve water.
There were two windows (one in the room, one in the bathroom) that overlooked an internal courtyard. Also, there's no air conditioning (which I knew and didn't care about), but because of the location of the windows, it's difficult to get air into the room.
As I found out, the walls of the hotel are eggshell thin. You can hear traffic from the boulevard outside. You can hear people walking down the street and talking. You can hear your neighbors in the hotel having sex, taking showers, farting, coughing, laughing, partying. And it never seems to quiet down.
The other staff I encountered were friendlier than the night clerk on my first night, but I didn't get the idea anyone at the hotel spoke English. I would advise the hotel to drop that in their advertisements since it's not true.
The good things about the hotel: the location is good, and there's an outpost of El Moro right next door. Great churros doesn't quite make up for the rest of it, though. Hotel Monarca doesn't represent Mexico City very well to tourists.
