Goat Hill Tavern, where it's COCKTOBER FEST every night! Wanna know how bad the ratio is here? It's the only place I've heard of where GUYS were being date raped for a short while. Yes, you heard right. Have someone keep an eye on your $8 Heffewizen while you wait in line for the men's room, BRO!
Here's an analogy... (And no, that doesn't say anal orgy. I'm talking to you, Goat Hill Rapist!)
The 55 freeway = the Santa Ana river
The Goat Hill = The mouth of the Santa Ana river that meets the ocean
The weekend = one giant rain storm
Now think about it this way, when the (rain/weekend) starts you get all types of (garbage/meatbags) traveling down from inland on the (river/the 55) that just ends up mucking up the local area. Would you really want to wade through either?
Closet case brotards and soon to be 30 burnouts make up the usual patrons and they are there again trying to unsuccessfully get laid every night. To its credit, this prevents a lot of meat bags from potentially flooding out into the few decent places in the Newport Blvd. area and ruining them. If you miss these unlovable losers you can always meet up with them after last call at the Del Taco on 17th to see them try to start fights with each other due to sexual frustration (Well, I guess they're still hitting something this way, right?) that's fueled by the cold reality that is their greasy palm waiting for them when they get home.
Back to the bar... ummmm.... there's some pretty random crap nailed to the walls, and the off night it's not ass to elbows crowded you might even be able to see what kind of bullshit they picked up at a TGI Fridays going out of business sale and stuck to the ceiling. On the crowded nights you can't walk through this place without causing an incident. Looking in the general direction of any insecure chud will result in getting mad dogged or given the rape-eyes depending on what gender you are. Drinks take forever to get if you can even get close enough to the bar to order, and even then the watered down drinks are nowhere near as cheap as they brag to be. The smoking patio is basically indoors (There's a big hole in the roof) so you can't even get away from the noise for a second.
You want a real dive bar? Go to the Helm next door. Want a ridiculous, almost unnecessary selection of beers on tap? Go across the street to the just as overpriced Yardhouse. Want to dance with the usual O.C. crowd to the latest top 40 bullshit played too loud? Pierce Street Annex down 17th (Ugh) or Chronic Cantina (UGH!) should suffice. Want to play a game of pool without having to ask 5 people to move anytime you want to make a shot? Go to Games Plus. Want to play foosball? REALLY? GROW THE FUCK UP ALREADY YOU GIANT MAN-CHILD! The point is, no matter who you are or what you're looking for you can find it at much more suitable places all within a mile radius. That is unless you got a thing for the whole side ways hat/long sock combo, crowds, push fights, all you can eat piss covered peanuts, and potential sodomy. If this sounds appealing to you then I'm sure you're already at the Chode Hill right now, and you will be there tomorrow night, and the next night after that. Anyone who wants to keep their dignity, wallet, or sphincter intact should avoid at all costs.
PS- If you're an ugly girl, or a chick with a boyfriend and you want to feel like you are still desirable, keep this place in mind since you'll get a nice temporary self esteem boost from the loads of chodes trying to pick you up (among anything else with a hole that walks by) during the desperate attempted parking lot pimping that occurs after last call. Every girl gets to feel two points hotter then they really are here thanks to good ol' desperation. read more