Look, just don't eat here. The sooner it goes out of business the sooner a real restaurant that doesn't have a name that is as offensive to this hispanoparlante (especially next to a drawing of a taco about to be fellated) -- sexual assault in foreign languages never ceases to be hilarious, especially when it's grammatically incorrect and -- I'm simply translating -- sounds like what a gringo says to a Latina he's assaulting. The 25 cents? Nothing costs less than $3. That is, I believe, false advertising. I hope someone from the FTC gets a bite to eat here. Even the tortilla chips are $3! Nothing is under $3! And you aren't getting anywhere near what you pay for, unless you pay for a bad time, bad service, a chef who thinks lettuce isn't sufficiently Mexican -- in which case, he should go to Mexico. Preferably, he'll take the waitstaff and never come back. I should have pepper sprayed myself in the face, flushed a $20 bill down the toilet, and stayed at home.
You will wait way too long. Although as word spreads about this disservice to a great cuisine -- no lettuce? The tiniest tortillas ever? I took two friends with me, and I owe them an apology. This was the worst dining experience I have ever had. I wish I were exaggerating.
I wasn't walking out on my check -- I simply failed to sign the merchant copy (it doesn't matter, let them scribble something. It's not a check, it's not fraud.) because I wanted to get out of that godforsaken pit of hell that still feels like a porno shop somehow. After being ignored all night, as I limp on my cane back to my friend's car, a guy comes chasing after me like I tried to rob the place. Loud enough for everyone to hear, his tone of voice suggests some sort of mens rea in not signing that thing. I did leave a tip, despite my best instincts. I didn't do a single thing to be treated like a thief like that, and for that alone, I'm never returning. I have never, never, never been so affronted by a member of a restaurant's waitstaff, and I've been insulted, patronized -- you name it, I don't like it. This was on another level.
The place whose name I cannot bring myself to mention -- it serves the tiniest "tacos" you'll ever see -- the chef who's so supremely sly he is too good for lettuce can't spice anything with any subtlety; he can't braise pork; his fish tacos look like dog turds -- and how I wish I were exaggerating -- and it's $8 (I think) for 4 of the smallest talk-ohs you'll ever see. The tortillas are made in house, or else put through the wash on a setting too hot for them to not shrink like a gentleman who dipped his pelvis into a bath of ice water. I have never seen tortillas that small. Think silver dollar pancakes. And there's no lettuce. There's no nothing. There is one thing:
HEAT. I've been pepper sprayed. This was similar enough that I felt the fear rise in my chest, but unlike pepper spray, the burn feels like a drink of bleach, or setting your upper GI tract on fire. I wish I had just overcome my fear of vomiting and puked it up then and there. I'm surprised that no one just ran out on the check -- but I think the waitstaff is used to that, I had a cane, a bad leg, had just finished the worst meal I think I've ever had; if the carnitas manage to be both overcooked, as hot as a shot of pepper spray, and still have trichinosis worms, then I'll at least give the place some credit. Instead, I gave them debit. And I left my receipt on the table, but one guy comes running after me demanding I sign the merchant copy. He says this like I didn't just run out on a tab, but also called him a fop, a dandy, and a man with no honor, no dignity, and no class whatsoever -- for him to earn the appellation "gentleman" would be to insult all gentlemen the world over. Or else I told him to go stick it en su boca, and he understood the meaning. Yes, it really is that offensive. I feel sick writing this.
Every day it's emptier and emptier. Please let it empty out so some real restaurant can take its place. Oh, and that 25 cent sign? I'll be discussing it with the authorities. Even the tortilla chips that every single other Mexican restaurant in the country offers for free cost $3. My friend got the wrong beer in a dirty glass and then the waitress disappeared, he was charged extra and didn't want to wait the 10 minutes to catch her attention.
I should have run out on the check, considering the chase I got. Even if they were 25 cents, those talk-ohs would be way overpriced. I look forward to it emptying out completely. Who do they think they are charging what they do for what they offer? Go anywhere else. Go to McDonald's. Your dinner will be cheaper and better.
And there's lettuce there. Save yourself the hassle. And Yelp, if you must edit this, edit it, but don't just delete it. I don't want anyone else to have to go through what I did. read more