I work on the Codzilla, and I'm going to write a little guide to help you have fun on it. I have the best job in the world, and I want people to have fun while I work for their amusement. Here's a few tips to make your ride on the Cod just that much better.
1. Seating: "Where is it fun to sit?" There aren't any bad places to sit on the Cod. Seriously. Most people, the determining factor is how wet they will get (see part 2). Otherwise, you feel a bit more of the bump and the spin towards the front, but not so much different that you will notice an enormous difference. This is also offset by...
2. Wetness: "I want to get wet!" The WETTEST part of the boat is THE BACK. Anywhere from about the ramp where you get on to the very end is good and wet. Forward from that is also a bit wet, but less wet the further forward you go. Also, it is slightly more wet if you sit toward the outside of the boat.
How wet? Well, this is a point of contention that shows up in some of the yelp reviews. The truth is... we have no idea of knowing exactly how wet it will be out there. It can vary anywhere from a light spray to soul soaking. There's a little formula I have to help determine how wet it will be. It's W!=4W (Wetness! = Wind x Waves x Weight of the Boat x Whether or Not the Captain is a Bastard). Wind speed and height of the waves are a huge factor, and if the boat is heavier then it digs in more on the turns, and some captains REALLY enjoy getting you sopping wet.
There is NO DRY SECTION. I have had people threaten me with pain of death if they get their hair wet. I don't really control the ocean, Miss, maybe you want to wait on shore.
3. The Tour. The fastest way into the gurgling gullet of the Boston Behemoth.
Okay, before you read this part of my review, take a look at these other Yelp reviews. See if you can spot the difference between most of the negative and positive reviews.
Found it?
The people who enjoy this boat most are the people who get into the tour. The tour is a good portion of the boat ride, especially because we cannot (BY LAW!) go fast until we are OUT OF THE NO WAKE ZONE! People who aren't paying attention to the tour give me a lot of "Why don't you shut up and go fast?" (This is an actual quote. This is one of the less rude things people have said to me as well.) The answer is, we can't.
The other part of it is, the tour can be really FUN. We try and make it as fun as possible. The reason I'm writing this guide? So you can have the most fun. I very much want you and your family and your friends to have fun. I do that tour eight times a day. Fun is important so I don't go insane!
We ad-lib and joke around with passengers, and try out new jokes, and have a good deal of knowledge about different buildings in the area, and (90% of) the tour guides are knowledgeable and courteous. People tune us out and talk to their friends instead of listening to us all the time. That's fine, but be prepared for us to talk, because we're doing it whether you're paying attention or not. If you're not, then more than likely someone else on the boat of 120 people is paying attention, and they're likely having a better time than you would.
4. The Most Important Rule. The Most Ignored Rule.
DO.
NOT.
STAND.
UP.
Do not stand up. Do Not Stand Up. OH FOR GOD'S SAKES SIT DOWN THE BOAT IS GOING FAST AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU WERE ONE OF THOSE "DEADLIEST CATCH" FISHERMAN YOU NEED TO SIT DOWN.
...Sorry about that. The most important and most ignored rule is you must be seated during the ride. It's dangerous not just for you but for the passengers around you. If we hit a wake going 45 mph and you fall down and hurt yourself, then we are liable. Worse, if you fall down and hurt someone else, maybe someone else you don't know? Then we're liable and you're a jerk. Please don't stand up. I have taken a tumble on this boat, and it's not pleasant.
I hope this helps some people have fun, or helps some one decide that this is the boat for them. The boat is a good time, and we agree that some trips are better than others. We want you to have the best possible trip we can give you. I hope you have fun and try out the Codzilla!... if you dare... read more