I have a theory about the average male and his hair follicles. It's a zero-sum game that is being played. Beginning in his late twenties or early thirties as he begins to bald, the hairs on his head are NOT disappearing. Not at all! They are merely migrating to other places that you wish they wouldn't (e.g., your ears, nostrils and back). By the time he reaches my age, these wayward hairs can begin to demand a significant amount of his grooming time. This is where Cleopatra's Secret can play a helpful role. I looked at my back in the mirror the other day and vowed to return it to its silken smooth beach glory days from two decades ago (does this sound like a mid-life crisis?).
Cleopatra's Secret had recently moved into my neighborhood from its previous location at Bunker Hill and the Katy Freeway (the old location falling victim to MetroNational's redevelopment plans around Memorial City Mall). I decided to give them a shot, called and made an appointment.
Being a hair removal virgin, I was somewhat apprehensive about exactly what sort of pain I'd undergo and had vivid nightmares that approximated that memorable scene from The 40-Year-Old Virgin. Anticipating a dimly lit medieval torture chamber, I crafted this Limerick the morning of my appointment while lying in bed, dreading what I had put on my calendar:
I asked her to sugar my back
And cringed at the hair-tear attack.
It seems diabolical
That each friggin' follicle
Was rampaged from shoulders to crack.
Surprise! Surprise! My hairy back was deflowered in a most pleasant fashion. My appointment was with Ati, the owner. She is a delightfully vivacious woman who babied me through the whole experience. I put on my game face and exuded as much charm as I could muster when we met in the lobby. She looked me over and said, "So, baby...you're my next victim?" I couldn't help smiling.
She took me to a private room where I doffed my shirt and lay down on what seemed to be a massage bed. We kept up a lively conversation as she spread a hot sugary mixture onto my back, applied a cloth to it and efficiently ripped away large swathes of hair. I admit - I winced, but it really wasn't bad at all. In between, she had a soft touch which was quite soothing. At one point I was actually getting drowsy as I lay there. The whole experience lasted about 45 minutes.
The results - WOW! Talk about smooth. The last few days, I've marveled as I've rubbed my back in the shower. In an intimate moment, my lovely wife was quite appreciative too. In retrospect, I should have done this years ago! Ati informed me that I should come back in two months and that the next round will be much easier. I thought, "Super," because the first round wasn't bad to start with.
All this being said, I have a new-found respect for you ladies (and guys) who submit to hair removal in the nether regions. Ati swears that your back is more sensitive than your privates, but I'm not buying it. I might just wince when a strip of hair gets ripped from its roots over my shoulder blade, but if a similar thing had occurred between my thighs, I suspect I would have emitted a bit more than a wail or whine. Guys are wimps in that way... read more