"The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any."…read more-- Alice Walker
Erin changed my life.
I had been suffering from depression for 2-3 years and stubbornly / pridefully thought that I had already been to therapists before, they might say some nice things, but I am too far gone this time. Normally, I'm able to self-reflect and 'work my way' out of certain moods or slumps, but when I finally realized that my husband and I were staying in San Francisco for good (in the place that was very much at the root of a lot of fears, insecurities, shame, and self-doubt in my life), I finally decided that enough was enough. Because either I would just stay depressed in San Francisco, or maybe, well, since we weren't moving, my only other choice was to change.
For a few months, I searched Psychology Today and even Yelp for therapists. I read about dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), EMDR, borderline personality, bipolar disorder, and a number of other things trying to diagnose myself and figure out what would finally 'work' because I had been so unhappy for so long.
I did see one other therapist who was nice and who I chose for specific reasons, but who ultimately just did not click for me. I almost called a few others who specialize in EMDR with a very clear mindset of what 'traumas' I needed healing from with the hope that I could be fixed in just a few sessions. I did not want to open up myself to the possibility that maybe, I'm not really in control of this healing thing, but for some reason, when I saw Erin's profile, I decided I needed to give her a try.
I liked that she had a clinical background with her experience at UCSF and was someone who also specialized in both DBT and CBT but who didn't have a whole laundry list of other things they focused on. She also sounded very intelligent, warm, compassionate, empathetic, and even shared a bit from her own story which made me really feel like she would actually understand. (Some parts of my depression were related to feeling like I was crazy or that I didn't "deserve" to be depressed because I actually have a number of things going for me on the surface; my family also tends to respond to my depression in a way that creates more guilt for being sad rather than feeling supported or comforted, so it was very important to me that the therapist I found would not further that sense of guilt for being unable to change.)
I had been depressed for over 2 years. But I only needed to see Erin for a little less than 2 months (6 sessions). Then I was traveling, and then I came back for a few wrap-up sessions. But the work we did in those first few months was already enough to give me a new perspective. It sounds like jargon, but she really did help me to reframe my negative thought patterns and to identify my (often extremely self-hatred centered) limiting beliefs and to decide that they are not helpful to me and that I can reject such thoughts from influencing my life.
The reason I give so much detail is because prior to seeing Erin, I really thought recovering from my depression, i.e. my sense of inadequacy and insecurity in San Francisco, was an impossible task. Literally, I thought that short of moving out of the city and 'finally' getting away, that nothing else could help to reduce the amount of anxiety and hopelessness I experienced each day. Hope and light only seemed to exist in the form of 'once I leave SF and moved somewhere else, never to come back.' As irrational as that sounds, it was only because of working with Erin that I was able to see that leaving SF wasn't the only way I could have hope and joy in my life.
Thank you, Erin.