Oh man, get ready for a shitty parking lot experience. The people who park in this lot are insane. They all drive their fancy cars and swoop in and out of the spots without looking. They don't care if they hit my piece of shit Geo Prism because they'll just sue me. Well think again, rich assholes! I have a rare condition where any jolt to my body will break my bones. All of them! A car hitting me is sure to do that. So the asshole who sues me will get counter-sued by me for breaking all my bones with their negligence and causing me extreme emotional pain and suffering (not to mention for my family and dogs, too).
Now, you might say, how is it fair for a negligent asshole to have to pay for all the broken bones of someone? Surely, that's not reasonable. But it is under a doctrine called "the eggshell plaintiff." You pay for all the harm you cause to someone with your carelessness, regardless of how random and extreme it is. I always like seeing the look on careless drivers' faces when I stumble out of my car with all my bones broken screaming in agony for someone to end the pain.
Fortunately that doesn't happen too often because I'm a careful driver and as much as I like getting sued by people so I can sue them back, it hurts to have all my bones broken. That's why I'm extra careful in the Chase Bank parking lot because it seems like the the lot is extremely narrow. You should be careful.
I can say the ATMs are nice. They have them on the outside of the building so you don't have to go inside. That's always a relief because I feel like the bank employees always make fun of me for how I'm dressed. It's not my fault I don't make a lot of money and have to shop at Goodwill. So what if my clothes smell a little musty? All the bank employees wear suits and shoes that they think are nice but really just cheap knockoffs of expensive brands that they probably got at DSW or some outlet. People who shop at outlets are dumb because they're not getting a good deal. Companies make shitty clothing just for their outlets; it's not the real stuff you're getting for cheap so it makes no sense to drive all the way out there. Just buy clothes at Goodwill like me.
It's not like the bank employees make that much money, but I swear they all act like they're JP Rockefeller or something. Motherfucker, you count out other people's money from a drawer in between your classes at junior college. Get over yourself. Some day when I'm super rich, I'm going to make sure all these bank employees are fired and replaced with employees. Actually, it's already happening. They're replacing tellers with ATMs right inside the bank! Can you believe it! Soon they won't need loan officers or "investment specialists" either. They'll just do all that with A.I., and A.I. won't make mistakes or give your sorry ass excuses when your return on investment is so low. "Oh, bro, it's a down market." Nah, dawg, you're just an incompetent fuck in a shitty suit with cheap shoes.
Oh yeah, did I mention the parking lot sucks? read more
