Imagine a world with a little bit more whimsy. There exists a secret garden. A slice of paradise. In this garden you are greeted by no fewer than 18 cute scarecrows and the coffee flows like wine.
You are at Bon Ton's.
Today, I, Ricky Sausage, dine with my fine family. My wife Beaky and our son Uh-Oh, Sporty and Spicy, and Lil Chile and Maple Sausage. Us Boyz wrapped up the Grassroots Gravel bike race the day prior and we are HUNGRY!!
We settle into an alcove in the corner of patio without a wait at 9:30 in the morning. Score!
A few of us order coffees - black as the La Brea tar pits. Sporty remarked with black ooze spilling out of her mouth, "perfect for the atmosphere with the quirky mugs." Spicy had other feelings... "I made a mistake. I should have gotten something more exciting."
Maple has ordered the House Water. She notes, "Wet and refreshing! Wet like water." We all solemnly agree via polite nodding of heads.
Beaky, my beautiful wife, enjoys her iced tea. With her calculator out, she notes, "Perfectly average iced tea. Modal iced tea, above the median percentile."
After some light conversations over our beverages (thank you, Bon Ton, for recommended table topics like "What is your favorite thing to do while camping?"), our food has arrived. We are slobbering and ravenous!!
Beaky digs into her Southwest Burrito. "If I wasn't pregnant, I'd get the skillet. The medium green chili is spicier than expected."
Maple pecks at her Egg Scrambler with a song in her heart. "It feels like wearing a t shirt dress, knee high boots, and an infinity scarf on 2014. I'm dancing to Calvin Harris on the radio."
Lil Chile has ordered the skillet (his first ever in 35 years of life!) and promptly pours syrup over the meal. "It feels like a pitbull dance party in my mouth. Pitbull is doing the do-si-do with me."
Spicy has decadently ordered the seasonal pumpkin spiced pancakes (PSP). "More subtle pumpkin than I expected. Not a slap you in the face pumpkin, like a dance on my tongue that I will not label."
Sporty, hot off an evening of Pueblo sloppers, receives her Huevos Rancheros. "Almost a breakfast slopper. Could be sloppier. The first couple bites felt like a warm hug in my mouth."
Uh-Oh Sausage, 13 months young, enjoys his milk and PSP. For the milk, he exclaims, "Ahwowaya!" And as he shoves whole pieces of pancake into his mouth, he can't help but proclaim "Mo! Mo! Mo!"
And I, dear reader, have humbly ordered the breakfast sandwich. I was pleased with how thicc the bacon was! It was so crispy without being burnt... Bon Ton, tell me your secret!!
An important note - our server was new and she did a great job. A menu this robust demands an encyclopedic knowledge that encompasses every combination of breakfast factorials. She is a breakfast master already!!
We are forlorn to leave our breakfast paradise. We leave the threshold and the breath of God falls on my neck. I turn around and the restaurant has disappeared. All that remains is the arch angel Michael with a flaming sword telling me, "Go on, get! Get!!" I scurry to my car with my tail between my legs.
Paradise is not promised to the fallen but the memory can never be taken from me. Thank you, Ton Bon! read more