So, made a car rental reservation through Costco. Got my reservation number in my little hands, and headed to Avis to pick up the car.
Arrived at Avis, and went to the counter. The clerk advised he was out of everything except SUVs. "So, you're offering an upgrade?", I asked.
"Nope." was the reply.
"Does another location have one available?", I query.
"Don't know, my computer is down."
Gee, thanks for the top notch customer disservice.
Got the 800# off the door on my way out. Placed a call to their call center. Certainly they can help resolve the issue. Yeah, fat chance. The call center agent, we'll call him "Dude", was like...
"Whoa yeah, like that's totally bummer dude." If he was referring to himself in the third person, or thought my name was Dude, too, I'm not certain. So I ask Dude if he can find another location that has a car. "No way, dude. I can give you their number but you'll have to do the dialin' bro." I thank the Dude for his obvious lack of help, and try to wrap up the call so I can quickly get ahold of the other location to check on car availability. That's when Dude turns into Billy Mayes...
"Yo, wait before you go, bro..."
"Yeah?" I reply.
"Do you like run a small business?" was Dude's seemingly off topic, or perhaps perfect perception, and his dude-isom just a front to keeping it real.
"Yes, Dude, I manage a small business, goodbye."
"No, wait bro! Like, do you like want to join our Avis business program? I can hook you up." But wait, there's more...
"Really?", I ask the Dude. Based on the Avis platinum service to this point, I can't wait to sign up! Yeah, trust Avis to handle anything that might be important to business? Like relying on Avis to, God forbid, have a #$@&%*! car so that I might actually be able to get to a business-related seminar, which is the reason I'm renting a car? I felt like breaking into a good George Carlin style rant at this point, but restrained myself. Surely such comic genius would be lost on a simple Dude.
"No dude, it's Dude, not Shirley," came Dude's unexpected response. "K, bro, whatever... I can transfer you to sign up if you want...." At this point I just go [click]... Bye bye Dude.
So I dial the number Dude gave me for the next closest Avis location. This time, the phone is answered by a gentleman who at can at least articulate why his Avis location is also car-less. He lets me know he'll have some cars available tomorrow afternoon, and would be happy to hold one for me. I thank him for the offer, but let him know I have to be at a meeting at 7:30 the next morning in city almost 300 miles away, hence the need for a car forthwith. At this point the thought, "I can reserve you a flight coming back from Chicago at 5:55, does that help?" pops into my mind.
It's at this soul crushing point I wheel my Samsonite luggage to the closest street corner, wrestle away the cardboard and black marker from the professional panhandler, and ink out, "Saint George or bust" on the sign.
As fate would have it, a nice gentleman named Ford Prefect just happened by. He offered me a ride, and asked if I'd had lunch yet. "Why no, Ford, I haven't."
"We can make a quick stop at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, then be on our way."
"Sounds good." I reply. Then I mention if it's near Planet Hollywood in Vegas, that's just a bit too far past Saint George.
"Don't panic."
Alright, I suppose I won't, I thought. Well then, Avis, "So long, and thanks for all the fish." read more