Way back when I was 19, before I discovered the boyf and his wonderful ways, I did for a short time date a (male) Ann Summers employee. No, he was not some kind of mad perv-O, but yes he did like a lot of the shizzle they sell. This unfortunately meant that I was often gifted Ann Summers merch, and was expected to wear their horrid scratchy lace bras and confusing knickers. Don't get me wrong, I love sexy undies and whatnot, but in all my years I have never seen anything at all 'me' in their 'sexy' ranges. Ann Summers Ex told me that the Ann Summers head office was particularly proud of the Manchester Arndale branch, that it is seen as a great example of the ideal AS store. Really? In my experience, I've found the Arndale store to be understaffed by rude assistants, freezing cold, and totally lacking in any stock over a C cup (which did grant me escape from being bought another horrid bra). It's not an old store and I know they redecorated recently, but it's pretty shabby looking inside. And on a side note, you know those sticky gusset protector things on knickers? A LOT of the pants here don't have one on. That just makes me want to gag, to be honest.
AS is pretty much the last place I''ll be found on a shopping trip. Sure, they have a great range of toys, accessories and, erm, media, but so do websites like Lovehoney, which are far superior in pretty much every way. I kind of feel like everything in AS is tacky. I mean, sure, every woman wants to feel sexy, but I just feel like a novelty school uniform with red 'Please Sir' pants (me either) isn't sexy. It's both hugely degrading and overly coy. Agent Provocateur sell sexy so well, and it's not always classy; sometimes it's crotchless and downright filthy, but they steer well clear of old Ann's smutty postcard idea of sex.
Apart from being presented with an ill-judged 'peephole' bra and a hopeful smile from A.S. Ex, my abiding memory of old Ann is of my mum and her drunk female friends howling with drunken laughter at a mid-90s AS party in our lounge while the siblings and I sat upstairs, basically mortified. You try finding anything in here sexy whilst imagining your mum and all her friends handing vibrators around and laughing. Yep, thought so.
(For those of you who are curious, A.S. Ex was jettisoned before the official three month mark, the peephole bra went in the bin without being tried on, and this little Yelper won't be going back to Ann any time soon.) read more