I've never been a fan of FM "classic" radio. In my teens, I became bored with the groups I had…read moregrown up listening to-- the Beatles, the Doors, Led Zeppelin, etc. (let me hasten to add that as an adult I've re-evaluated these groups, have "re-discovered" them, and...as a seasoned, hopefully more mature, less dogmatic, and knowledgeable adult...can listen with "new ears" and appreciate them anew)-- and was looking for "something different." I wasn't going to find it on FM radio. At that point, I was basically unaware of college radio, and the FM station-- in those days, it was WNEW-- was frustrating to listen to. "Stairway to Heaven" and "Freebird" were played constantly, almost as if the whole process of listening was a religious ritual and we were expected to bow down before the altar of Zeppelin and Skynyrd. New groups like the Ramones or older groups like the Velvet Underground or the Stooges were never going to be played. Ever. And if you didn't like it? Buy a record player, chump...
Which is not to say that FM didn't leave certain impressions that still resonate in my memory. I can remember waking up to face another torturous school day, and hearing Allison Steele aka "the Nightbird" signing off to the background sound of cymbals, flute, kalimba, and God knows what else. I can't remember what pretentiously "witchy" things she used to say to bid "goodnight" to her regular listeners or "good morning" to groggy malcontents like me, but I think Stevie Nicks would have approved.
I desperately wanted to hear that band I had read so much about-- the Sex Pistols. Their singles were available nowhere (at least nowhere in my neck of the NJ woods), but...believe it or not...I heard them first on FM radio-- Scott Muni's show, to be exact. His voice dripping with condescension and sarcasm, he said, "Well, you've heard about them, and if you wanna actually hear them, well...here they are..." before playing "God Save The Queen," which made me an immediate entranced fan (although, in my old age, I think my teenage hero John Lydon aka Johnny Rotten has transformed over the decades into a total talentless a**hole).
As far as I know, WNEW is long gone, and now we have...Q104.3. I won't say its made me long for the WNEW days, but it does have me quickly grasping for the dial as I do my channel surf in order to change the channel to...well, almost anything else. If you're lucky, you'll hear a song from the past...a "classic"...that actually still retains that status. "Dream On." "Don't Fear the Reaper." "Ziggy Stardust." "Strange Days." Even "Stairway to Heaven" or "Freebird" sound refreshing now, if you happen to catch it. You have to be lucky. Most times, you're going to hear Bon Jovi. Or Lover Boy (Lover Boy!?! Yep.). Aerosmith "hits" put out long after they gave up drugs and sank down into the swamp of puerile mediocrity even as they raked in tons of money. Journey. Eddie Money. Queen (talented but I'm not a fan). No Bob Dylan (I think I'd stroke out if they happened to play "George Jackson"), but you'll hear a lot of Billy Joel. A lot.
The "jocks" are relentlessly upbeat and positive (sorta like the "Yelp Elite"). Ian O'Malley sounds like he gargles every morning with small rocks, and has nothing but good things to say about...EVERYBODY! Carol Miller sounds like she has adenoidal issues, talking with rote enthusiasm about the Dep Leppard tickets they're promoting or yet another contest before playing an "oldie but goodie"..."Eye of the Tiger."
They'll play the Clash (although it'll be a consumer-friendly hit like "Rock the Casbah"; you're never going to hear "I'm So Bored With the USA"). They do play the Ramones too now. "I Wanna Be Sedated" or...if they're feeling really "wild and crazy"..."Blitzkrieg Bop." (No "Carbona Not Glue") Stooges? Well, you might hear Iggy...solo...doing "China Girl" or "Candy" but don't hold your breath waiting to hear "Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell' or "Death Trip." (And...an aside...I love Iggy, but it's time to put the shirt back on. He looks like a melting candle now.) No Stooges, no Velvets, no Dolls, no MC5. No Mother Love Bone either. Nirvana or maybe Red Hot Chili Peppers...that's about as "outside the box" as it's going to get.
If you want "outside the box," tune in to WFMU or WPRB.
And God help you if you stumble into a block of their commercials. They run without interruption for nearly a half hour. I will sometimes pause at Q1043 as I channel surf, hoping I might stumble onto one of those old songs that I liked. My hopes are almost never realized. Another Billy Joel song, or another block of commercials, and I move on. There are only so many hours in a lifetime.
I can almost hear the spirits of Allison Steele and Scott Muni saying with malicious glee, "Sure, you didn't like us way back when, but how do you like your FM Classic Radio now, punk!? Maybe worshipping before the altar of Jimmy Page or Ronnie Van Zant or Pete Townsend wasn't such a bad thing after all!"
