"I say my good man, do you remember a tall bloke, in here recently, moved the tables around, red shirt, long yellow hair, no not blond, yellow, looked a bit like John Smith from the Pocohontas cartoon, named Phil N ? - constantly checking his undies? yep thats him... oh... 'He-Man'... righto, whatever."
"I'll have what he had. Here, I printed it out for you. By the way, mighty fine moustache you have there!"
"Stir fried daschund you say"... "with still beating snakes heart" (aside to self [picture Seinfeld, jaw fixed, top lip baring teeth] - "Phil!"... why I ortta !")
I'm not going to spoil Phil's surprise but I have left a clue as to what Com Tam Bi Suon Cha actually is, which you will need if you dont speak or read Vietnamese because there is not a word of English to be read in this place, and not a price anywhere. And theres no menu except whats on the walls. So no cheating by looking at pictures and ordering by number.
I line up with everyone else, thinking no one has seen me, the only non Vietnamese person in the queue. Phil N must have really stood out. Two naughty old ladies pretend to know someone inside and push in. I am impressed, except Moustache man spots them, yells and points at me, and throws them out. Wow! I did not expect that! Now they are in the queue behind me ...and... I'm in !
I'm at a shared table and clueless. The Patriach of the family at our table looks at me like I have asked to borrow his car, its only going to get worse because I have to show the waiter my phone to order lunch. How embarrassment....except... he takes pity on me...
"What would you like mate?"
I have never kissed a Vietnamese man before, but theres a first time for everything. He grins his head off at me and I laugh right back at him. He knows full well I am a cá out of water in here. This is the most fun I've had out here - this is the REAL DEAL.
So I finish up, head over to Moustache man and pull out my wallet.
"Eight dollars" he says.
" WHAT ? !!" I literally shout, he looks at me and beams as he takes my tenner, and he will not let me leave him the $2.
Phil I hope you get the cartoon woman of your dreams (always fancied Veronica from the Archies myself) and have little Disney kids, you are a legend. read more