How do I begin? My lovely weekend (which was spent on Ormond Rd, Elwood) came to a conclusion at the The Leaf Store. First off, why do young, sexy, heterosexual males get served before a group of extreme titans of industry come to shop? I don't see these heterosexual males contributing to society in any meaningful way other than angering myself, my 6 business associates, and the ambassador of a country that has yet to declare its independence, but I digress.
I will sum up the epic experience with 5 key points.
Decor: Never have I realized how useless windows and lighting are until I stepped foot into this messhall. Seriously The Leaf Store, evolve...you have met your match.
Pricing: I was not made aware that I had to take out a home equity line of credit to purchase my beans and then maintain a 45% return on my investments in order to add more beans with that. How these veggie head diners with fat rolls for days afford this greenhouse of non-value is beyond me.
Service: As a summa cum laude graduate of the french institute's waitstaff program for highly skilled servers, I nearly threw up on my cashier when I witnessed the "owner" at this cesspool. Let me just offer 1 piece of advice: Rosetta Stone bootlegged DVDs from the trunk of my buddy Gary's 1998 suburu impreza.
Clientelle: I had no idea that the doofus rally convention rejects were siphoned here after being escorted out of the methodone clinic. To my left, 1 metric ton that was transported to this diner in a horse trailer. To my right, a scene straight out of good will hunting. Oops, did I say good will hunting? I meant Men in Black II - not being Will Smith isn't a good look in Elwood, bro. Grow up.
Food/sustenance: How does an organic grocer - let me repeat...the LEAF STORE, make quite possibly the worlds worst beans. My business associate is a 4 time world championship of beans judge and he literally cut his toungue off (they actually charged him for the tounge removal) with a butter knife to not have to endure these beans again. Also, how does one add a fresh bean, such as refried beans and have the bean go immediatley stale. Impressive. Speaking of fresh beans the "bean cup" (a reasonably priced $36.45) was transported by a sherpa led mule team originating 6 months ago in the valleys of bean laden st. Petersburg. Needless to say when bean is transported in the butthole of a sweaty mule for 6 months this leaves some taste to be desired. The Leaf Store, get ready to get ready.
In conclusion, I will not be recommending this establishment to billy beanwin nor will I be extending a volleyball scholarship to any of your children.
Good day read more