My daughter and I spent nearly two years training at Hive Martial Arts, drawn to the supportive…read morecommunity fostered by Mr. Froeming and other members, which quickly felt like family. With over a decade of experience coaching all ages--especially youth--I also served as an assistant coach and videographer at Hive, supporting the school in any way I could.
Unfortunately, a recent incident with a confrontational parent, Andrea Deshone, exposed serious gaps in the school's approach to conflict resolution. After a class, Andrea aggressively approached me over a complaint from her daughter, Stella, an instructor at Hive that day. Instead of addressing her concerns professionally, Stella went to her mother, who then confronted me.
Despite my calm requests for space, Andrea refused to back away and even stepped closer when I expressed that I felt threatened, effectively cornering me. She got so close that I could feel her breath and spit. Mr. Froeming and another student approached, and I pleaded for help, explaining that I felt attacked and trapped.
It can be as frightening for a man to feel threatened by a woman, knowing that defending oneself could have serious consequences. Unfortunately, this nuance was not acknowledged here.
A trusted adult student witnessed the exchange, observing that I had simply asked a question of the only instructor in my group. Later, this student confirmed to Mr. Pallesen that I had done nothing wrong. Despite this corroboration and texts supporting my account, Mr. Pallesen never acknowledged this and chose not to address the issue.
Initially, he agreed to mediate, but after I submitted a personal account explaining the incident's impact on my CPTSD--which affected me severely for two weeks and still affects me--he declined to read it and suggested I pretend the incident hadn't happened. When I asked if he would take the situation seriously if the genders were reversed, he confirmed that he would, highlighting an inconsistency.
In our exchanges, Mr. Pallesen shared his own experience with Andrea, recounting how her family aggressively confronted him in 2017 about his treatment of children, saying, "What the f--k happened? Why are you treating the kids like this?" According to him, this intervention forced him to self-reflect, helping him save his business. He also explained that Andrea's family threatened him with a bad review, which he acknowledged could have impacted his business. This may explain his reluctance to address my situation directly, but I genuinely hope he learns from this experience as he did with his previous encounter so he can grow as both an instructor and a leader.
This experience reflects broader concerns about leadership and standards at Hive. During one leadership lecture, Mr. Pallesen stated that "both political parties are basically the same," a comment that bothered one student, Beth, so much that she responded, "That is the definition of white privilege," highlighting a lack of sensitivity in a group that includes people of color and people of the LGBTQ+ community.
While Mr. Froeming and most of the community were wonderful, the lack of professional support from leadership ultimately left my daughter and me feeling disconnected from a place we once considered family. I share this review in the hope that Hive Martial Arts can reflect and grow, strengthening its community for all.