"A slice of pizza should look a certain way. There's a bit of variance for and aft but when you verge too far from the original slice of pizza....well that just ain't pizza anymore."
Allow me to paint the scene for you: my lovely wife and I were on our way back to her folks after a late-night jaunt to TJ Maxx. Apparently, her sister had tried on a terrific black number that she just HAD to have. As it turned out, their tastes were not completely aligned as we left the store empty-handed and returned to Monsey for a couple of consolation slices.
We parked in the rear and entered through the service entrance. I love service entrances - I feel a bit like I'm better than everyone else. We saw a bunch of teenagers sitting in their respective "booths", if you can call them as such, which harkened back to high school memories with the wrestling team and girls who wanted to be seen with lettermen (I asked my mother-in-law if I should capitalize lettermen - she said no).
The line for ordering wasn't as long as my dear wife remembered from her days of yesteryear, and it was our turn after a quick perusing of the shoppe's wares. I went in for a "vegetable" slice and the missus chose a regular cheese slice and a spicy fries. I immediately realized how wrong I was for using such a vague term as "vegetable" and asked the strapping young man for clarification. He told me he rang me up for a blizzard, and that I could change it but he sounded a bit harried in his conveyance. I told him no matter and summarily paid the $11 and change.
Our pizza was ready in under 3 minutes and my wife, pregnant of 9 months, rose to the occasion and collected our order. After securing our own booth, not unlike the booths occupied by teens the store over, I began chowing down. The dough was a bit soft and so I employed the classic fold-your-slice-in-half technique. Rookie mistake. Obviously, to any innocent bystander, this was my first blizzard slice. Within seconds, oily sauce began pouring forth from every crevice.
Allow me to explain the blizzard. Take a pie crust, cover it with mozzarella, diced peppers, onions and tomatoes, then top that with their signature house sauces - both sweet and spicy. The sauce overwhelms the slice. I enjoy a neat slice of pizza and I enjoy a true slice of pizza - the blizzard was neither. A slice of pizza should look a certain way. There's a bit of variance for and aft but when you verge too far from the original slice of pizza....well that just ain't pizza anymore.
I summarily wolfed down my slice, the exact way my mother warned me not to for the first 27 years of my life, then got to work on the fries. The slice tasted fine, but it was a nightmare to consume. The fries were quite tasty, within a standard margin of soggy/crispy variance throughout. The missus finished up and then went to the counter for round two - takeaway for the in laws who were watching kid #1 at their home. I went to wait in the car.
Within 5 minutes, she shoves her pregnant stomach through the driver's side door (I couldn't locate my license or wallet when we left for TJ Maxx all those hours earlier) with 2 boxes stacked on each other and proceeds to delve into this drawn out story with color photos and diagrams complete with circles and arrows on the back of each one explaining in detail what each one was for illustrative purposes to be used in the event I didn't grasp the gist of the situation.
As it turned out, the young man behind the counter who, we'll call Elchanan to enhance the review, and also his name was Elchanan, asked my beautiful wife how I enjoyed my slice. True to form, she told him "it's totally fine, but he doesn't enjoy messy slices." Above and beyond the call of duty for such a station, Elchanan showed his true colors and rose to the occasion. The story transmitted to me went something like, "he quickly said, 'I know which slice he wanted!' And then he threw it in for free!"
There's nothing like free pizza. Especially delicious vegetable pizza. But please, I implore you: don't order the blizzard. read more
