As you surely know from reading any of San Francisco's free weekly papers when they're not touting Hula Girl or featuring articles on vagina puppets, Phoenix Optical is famous for its frames. You know this because San Francisco's free weekly papers only have about six businesses that they ever write about, and Phoenix Optical is one of them. The others are: Hula Girl, Good Vibrations, The Communist Sustainable Transgender Homeless AIDS Community Resource Center, and that one cheap Vietnamese sandwich shop in the Tenderloin.
As their employees will be sure to politely and patronizingly inform you when you simply ask which frames are "used" and which are "new": "[Long, loud sigh.] NONE of our frames are used. We don't CARRY used frames. They are vintage, NEW, unworn frames. That means nobody's ever WORN them."
And, after examining the frames, I conceded that my question was indeed the kind of question only a very, very retardedly ignorant person would ask: Damn right these frames have never been worn -- nobody in their right mind, whether in 1950s or today, would put these fugly things on their face. I mean: alligator skin frames? I'm cool with wearing animal skin jackets, shoes, and belts, but do you really want a carcass resting on your face?
But forget the oft-touted fact that they carry vintage frames. What makes the shop special is just how willing the staff is to let you know that you're stupid and have no taste. In other words, Phoenix Optical has a special kind of old-fashioned honesty you don't find too often nowadays, what with businesses that are all focused on making the customer happy and actually selling things. To illustrate:
After spending half an hour trying on frames without interruption -- or even acknowledgment -- from the man working that day, I dared, as I previously mentioned, to attempt to gain some information about the store's stock of frames. After telling me that I was stupid for not already knowing about Phoenix's stock of frames, I showed the sales associate my old frames to illustrate what kind of style of frames I might be interested in. Because I am stupid and need to be told so, the sales associate took my glasses, looked at them, and told me for about five minutes that my lenses were shitty and that my optometrist really screwed me over. "Look at this," he said, "the lenses aren't even made of the same material! Ha! That's why this non-reflective coat on the right is one color, and the non-reflective coat on the left is a completely different color. Ha! Boy, they really screwed you over."
Thankful for his honesty, I attempted to ask him about what kinds of lenses Phoenix offered. Unfortunately, I am stupid and do not know the technical terms for different kinds of lenses. All I know are words like, "thin, thinner, thinnest."
"Well," the man told me, "We'd give you lenses that are a lot thinner than THESE," pointing to my glasses. "What's your prescription, anyway." I do not know my prescription; I only know that my eyesight is bad. "Well, that doesn't help." He said, helpfully.
I asked him if they could make the edges of the lenses clear and if they could make the edges smaller, because my ophthalmologist told me that such incredible things were possible. Although I didn't know it then, the terms for these wondrous techniques are "edge polishing" and "aspheric," respectively.
"What are you talking about? Nobody makes the edges thinner anymore. They haven't done that in years! The only way you can make the edge of the lens thinner is by grinding it down so it slants in the opposite direction and then light gets in and bounces around and makes a glare and you can't see out of your lenses. [Long sigh]"
When I asked about "thinnest lenses," the kindly sales associate corrected me: "Uhhhhhh. You mean HIGH DENSITY lenses? *Yes* we can do those. [Long sigh]"
If you're stupid and looking for great customer service to enhance your eyeglass-shopping experience, Phoenix Optical is the the place for you.
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