Prior to deciding to venture out of my "comfort zone" here in South Houston for some Halloween fun, I decide to do a little research on what was the best haunted house in the Houston Metropolitan area.
All signs led to Phobia 290. So we filled our tank and off we went.
After about 45 minutes of driving, due to the Northbound Saturday night traffic on 45, we arrived to a dirt road entrance.
Pre-context - the most repetitive CON for this haunted house had been the accumulation of "mud" due to rainy weather. Well, no rain in Houston for 2-weeks so no problem right?
The entrance to the parking lot is approximately 1/4 mile in and once you get there it is all dirt and lots of it. Cars coming in were constantly creating dust clouds of debris that continued all the way up to the ticket booths...so Asthmatics beware.
Our group consisted of myself 38, my wife 31, my son 15 (this was mainly for him) and 3 other 30-ish friends. One of our friends also brought her wheel chair-bound daughter who was 15.
There are 6 attractions in all. 5 separate haunted houses and one giant attraction, which has 3 scary attractions including the haunted woods.
My family opted to buy the 5 house attraction at $45 per person (see coupon on web page at www.darke.com. The rest of my party had to buy the 4 house attraction at $35 per person, because 3-D clown phobia was not wheel chair accessible.
General notes: We arrived at 8pm (plenty dark) shortly after the park had opened at 7:30pm. After waiting to assemble the rest of our party,
we proceeded to the ticket desk at 8:30. Tickets were secured in hand at 8:40 (NOTE CASH ONLY AT TICKET BOOTHS. However, tickets can be purchased online in other formats...several ATM's on the premises). We entered the first haunted house at approximately 8:45 and in a whirlwind, we had completed all 5 by 10pm. Have in mind this was not Halloween weekend.
Average wait - 5 minutes.
Average walk-thru time "WALKING SLOWLY" - 8 minutes.
OK no spoilers here just some general information about each attraction and my families rankings of each attraction in order from best to worst.
#1 3-D Clown Phobia - glasses provided...none of us had clown phobias, but my son was screaming the most in this one...especially at the end. Even the costumed performers were laughing hysterically. This house had A/C thank god! Seemed like the longest attraction.
(5 SCREAMS on my sons scare-o-meter)
#2 Dawn of the Machine - cyberpunk theme...not so scary, but the animatronics were awesome and the sculpture work /artwork is on spot. Walk slowly even if the people behind you are pushing you to move faster and witness all of its glory. Tight corridors and extremely hot and muggy in this one.
(2 SCREAMS on my sons scare-o-meter)
#3 The Darke Institute - probably the most enthusiastic performers on this night. A good blend of gore, animatronics, and sound. Lots of performers in-your-face. Even several hanging upside down from banisters in the ceiling. Unfortunately, probably the shortest attraction.
(3 1/2 SCREAMS on my sons scare-o-meter)
#4 Mind Control (asylum) - skin clad nurses and blood...lots of it...Performer make-up in this one was the weakest. Many performers just walking around without any facial make-up in nurse costumes splattered with blood. Lots of younger performers not even interacting with the crowd just aimlessly walking around in the attraction, maybe that's suppose to be part of the effect. Many animatronic-like effects seemed to be dysfunctional in this one.
(2 SCREAMS on my sons scare-o-meter)
#5 Claustrophobia - defined as a fear of being in tight spaces. Ok some tight corridors and twists and a short little 20 degree ramp, but if I had this fear, I don't think this attraction would have invoked it. I was so looking forward to this one especially because of its description on darke.com, "...gravity meets electromagnetism", "...21st century nightmare", are you talking about the technology that was suppose to be in this attraction...NONE! "...an amalgam of physical contradictions", extremely poetic, but c'mon are you for real. Finally, "...up is sideways and down is a long, long, drop." Didn't see that at all, what were you on when you wrote this description Darke.com. Sorry for the cynicism, but I was really disappointed. Maybe if you didn't have this description, it would have just been a poor attraction. With regards to scares. Some performers jumping from behind corners, but not much to see here in what could have been the best attraction in the park.
(1 SCREAM on my sons scare-o-meter) You can skip this one on my meter.
Some closing thoughts...Overall, it was definitely worth a visit. My son had a lot of fun and it was good to see that. As for us old farts, perhaps we have outgrown the fear of haunted houses, but we can still fear the dent that this visit made to our pocket books...LOL
Enjoy. read more