My family has always viewed the New Year with more enthusiasm than Christmas. It's a good fucking thing we're not TERRORISTS SET ON ZERO BOMBING A BATTLESHIP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN or anything because I'm sure we set off enough fireworks on NYE to raise red flags at the NSA. And to start the year off right, we ALWAYS host a New Year's Day house party that basically involves eating a shit ton of food, BCS Bowl viewing, and the conspicuous consumption of Coors Light.
And no, it's not JUST because we're a bunch of blood-related atheists who don't give a fuck about being saved and will therefore BURN IN HELL; New Year is a more important holiday for our culture!
Yeah, that's right bitch: CULTURE. Lest you think we're Western through and through, we also do traditional Japanese things to usher in every new year such as: eating ozoni (traditional soup of miso, kamaboko, gobo and kuromame), pounding kagami mochi, and making kadomatsus.
Kadomatsus are New Year decorations placed at the entrances to homes as a way to welcome our ancestral kamis (spirits). Comprised of bamboo stalks, pine brushes, and ume blossoms, kadomatsus bring prosperity and come in a variety of different sizes.
And okay, I'm kidding, we don't actually MAKE our kadomatsus, even though TECHINALLY you're supposed to. So what? TECHNICALLY you're supposed to use Prepatation H for ass lumps, but I FIND it works WONDERS for the bags under my eyes. So give me a fucking break. Oh, we also don't pound our own fucking mochi, either -- do I LOOK LIKE someone who would or even could pick up a mallet?!? I mean, aside from the time I tried to BASH YOUR FUCKING HEAD IN WHILE JONESING FOR A CIGARETTE?!?
We're just a huge fucking family of FOBs (Faux Oriental Bitches) so judge us if you must but before you do that let me ask what connections YOU maintain to your mother culture, Mr. Whitey McWhitester-Fucktard?!?
ANYWAY, we've been BUYING our kadomatsus from Mikis for the last couple of years and have been VERY HAPPY with them. See, Miki's -- a family-run florist located in a small, nondescript storefront -- not only makes excellent leis and other floral arrangements, they also assemble Kadomatus.
This year, our 2-foot tall kadomatsu (http://static.px.yelp.com/photo/0CO9CBoVinRBAMiVo_9wUw/l) was rather expensive -- $100 -- but it was still a small price to pay for maintaining a tie to tradition.
So if you want to be stylin' like The Family I, head to Miki's and get one. read more