You're not much of a camper, but you get talked into going camping here for Labor Day weekend. When you arrive, it's pretty. There's a creek nearby. Your friend, who's been there for a few days already, tells you that it gets so cold at night that you're going to cry icicles. You laugh. You're smug because you've borrowed some hardcore camping gear from a friend. Neighbors come by and say they nearly froze to death the night before. But there they are, alive, standing in front of you, so you think, "how bad could it be?" You've checked the weather online, and it said 93 high / 59 low.
Because the rangers have told you that bears come into the campground every day, you gather up all the food you brought and empty your car of other things that smell like chapstick, mints, and hand sanitizer. Everything into the bear box. When you see how packed the bear box is, and realize that your toothbrush is way in the back behind a 40 pound cooler and multiple bags of chips and stuff, you start to realize how hard this is going to be.
On your first trip to the bathroom, there's a cleaning crew working. Whew! Clean bathrooms! You wait until they're done and then go inside. They're reasonably clean, but you find that they're just 4 stalls and 2 crappy little sinks that only run ice cold water while you're holding the spigot. There's no hand soap. "That's okay," you say to yourself. I'm camping. Still, though--you search in vain through the bear box for your hand sanitizer when you return to the campsite.
You decide to have your first meal at the dining area by the visitor's center because everyone's anxious to get onto a trail. The traffic in and around the parking lot of the visitor's center is complete chaos. You now know that 1/2 the population of California is in Sequoia this weekend. You run in while your friend waits in the car and order a turkey burger. It takes a long time to get it, but it's decent, and you're grateful for the convenience.
You and your friends want to go see the Sherman tree. Good luck. So does everyone else. After a half-hour in the car trying to park / get anywhere near it, you give up and slink back to your campground. Never mind, your group says! Let's just hike! You go on your first hike--an easy 4-miler that starts at the campground. It's pretty. You're happy. You're glad you came. You sit on a rock with your good friends in the sun, gazing at the beautiful view. Life is good. For now.
You and your friends get back to camp. You negotiate the bear box and get out all the things you'll need to make dinner. As soon as you start preparing dinner, you're swarmed by yellow jackets. "Don't swat at them!" your friend says. So you start talking to them as if they're your dogs. "Go away," you say. "This food isn't for you." They don't listen.
Your friend tells you in advance "By the way, we're not cleaning anything tonight because the water to clean dishes is freezing and sprays all over the place." It's starting to get colder outside after the hot afternoon. You put on another layer and hang out by the fire. You have some wine. You're happy again. You think about your cozy tent, all the warm stuff you brought, and think "I'm going to be fine." You are a fool.
After dinner, your friends pack all the dirty dinner stuff and the leftover food away in to the bear boxes again while you start to get ready for bed. The bathroom is now littered with wads of toilet paper and used feminine hygiene products. As you try to negotiate washing your face in the icy water, which only flows while you're turning the spigot, and there's no place to put your sundry bag so you squeeze it between your knees, you regret putting on mascara that morning. You do your best and return to camp with your icy hands. It's cold out now. You put on a hat. You think it'll be fine once you're inside your tent. Clearly, you've never spent much time in a tent before.
Some neighbors start yelling "Bear!" and then a bunch of people are banging pots and pans on tables, making lots of noise. One of your friends says "the bear is probably running this way now!" You stare out into the dark, waiting, hoping you didn't accidentally drop any bits of food while making / eating dinner. One of your friends yells "Bear!!!" but no one else responds. "I thought I saw glowing eyes," she says sheepishly.
You hunker down in your tent for the night, sliding into your cold-weather sleeping bag, covering yourself with a second down sleeping bag, and then throw a warm blanket on top of that. You've got a little air mattress. You're wearing a hat, gloves, 5 layers of shirts, a puffy down jacket, three layers of socks. You can't get warm. You wonder if you'll really cry icicles. You pray you won't have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The campground is quite quiet, but you don't sleep. You promise yourself you'll leave tomorrow.
In the morning, after one last great hike, you pack up and head for the outlet mall on the way home. read more