I certainly haven't been everywhere in the world. But I have been to a lot of places. And none of them are anything like Koz's Mini Bowl in Milwaukee.
From the exterior it has all the charm of a bomb shelter or a closed barber shop. There isn't a big bright sign, and barely any neon. But once you head inside, you start to realize why it is a Brew City staple.
The back room features their world-famous "Mini Bowling." It is just like regular bowling, except at 1/4 or 1/3 the scale. The balls are about the size of shot puts, and the lanes are about 15 or 20 feet long. A real, live, breathing human pin-setter sits on a ledge in a booth behind the pins and racks them up for you, always displaying a deftness and awareness that surpasses his job title. How they avoid having their shins smashed dozens of times a day I'll never know.
The game is impossible to replicate outside of Koz's confines, but is vintage Milwaukee. It's $3 per game per person, no special shoes required. Make sure to bring cash to tip the pin-setters. A buck or two per person per game usually seems appropriate.
The bar is like a wood-paneled VFW lodge, and it looks like nothing has been altered for decades. For example, a newspaper clipping of Robin Yount's 3000th hit is taped to the wall, yellowing since September 10th, 1992.
I've loved Koz's since my first visit, and it is stop #1 for any out-of-town visitor I am entertaining. I'll summarize the rest in pro/con fashion.
Pros
1) Beer prices. $3 mini pitchers of PBR or High Life. Drafts are even less and regular pitcher prices aren't much higher. It is an incredible value to go from "sober" to "put on your crunk shoes." And for the ladies, mixed drinks are very reasonable.
2) All the standard neighborhood bar accessories. Great juke box. Pool table. Darts. Punching machine. Buck Hunter. Local sports on the tube.
3) There are just a handful of mini bowling lanes, but they take lane reservations over the phone, and in all my times there I have never had a lane unavailable at the time I reserved it, sometimes with as little as 30 min notice for them to call a local pin-setter.
4) Bar tenders are blue collar local guys, and are always friendly and quick to serve a customer. The place is never vacant, but I never find myself waiting for anything, which I love.
Cons
1) This ain't the Ritz, folks. It isn't in the best part of town. The regulars don't look like they've seen the sun in a few months. Parking is on the street. And there is barely any food to speak of. If your friends are snobs, you can leave them at home or head to Kil@Wat downtown.
2) The recent smoking ban in Milwaukee went in to effect July 5th, and though I've rarely seen patrons smoking since then, the odor of eons of Winstons just kind of inhabits the place most of the time.
3) Credit cards are accepted but subtly discouraged. Make sure to carry cash to tip your pin setters. AmEx not accepted.
4) The bathrooms leave something to be desired.
5) If you're terrible at math, you'll have trouble scoring the bowling yourself. Though the bartenders are usually happy to do it for you, especially if you're lucky enough to be a lady.
In conclusion, if you and your buddies are looking for fun practically any time drinking feels appropriate, Koz's is one of my favorite spots in Milwaukee. And Wisconsin. Hell, in America.
If you live in Milwaukee and you've never been, shame on you. If you've called to reserve a lane, I'm proud of you. And if you're bowling there right now, add Uncle Mitch to your score sheet and let's roll a new frame. Be there in ten. read more