I just finished a 10-pack Groupon at Bikram Tysons, and my self-loathing has never been higher!
I've been doing different types of yoga for about 15 years now, and I kind of already knew Bikram wasn't for me. I'm giving two stars instead of one for the sole reason that "some people might like this sort of thing." I tried Bikram Reston a few years ago and hated it, but several factors made me want to try this Tysons studio:
1. Good reviews
2. It had been long enough that I'd forgotten how gross it was.
3. They had a really cheap Groupon.
4. It's walking distance from home.
5. I had some free time on Mondays, and the jiujitsu class I tried didn't work out, so why not?
6. My horoscope that week totally called me out for stress shopping and treating myself too often, so I thought that if I spent money on something unpleasant like Bikram, then it wouldn't count as treating myself.
7. I sweat so rarely that I was starting to wonder if maybe I was missing out on some important biological function by sweating so rarely. I thought it could do me good to sweat once or twice a week.
8. I've had a tight hamstring for a couple of months, and I thought Bikram might help. (It did, a little.)
The facilities are large but impractical. They have cubbies instead of lockers, so I just left my wallet at home. The Bikram room itself is so disgusting and unsanitary that you won't want to take anything in there that isn't washable. You'd probably be less likely to get MRSA doing yoga on the floor at a roadside rest stop.
The first thing I noticed was that the studio was carpeted, the carpet was already wet, soaked with the sweat of students past. It smelled disgusting, like a carpet saturated with old bodily fluids, which it was. If you have a nice yoga mat that you like, leave that at home. If you have one that's getting kind of gross and you don't know what to do with it because you'd feel bad throwing it away, that's the one to bring to Bikram, because after the first class, it'll be soaked with old, stale sweat (on both sides!) and you'll want to set it on fire.
The teachers were really nice outside the studio. Once the class started I had a hard time thinking of them as teachers since Bikram is always the same sequence. They yell comically demotivational phrases at you, and every instructor (I went to four or five) used the same phrases in every class. Examples include, "LOCK YOUR KNEES! LOCK YOUR KNEES! IF YOUR KNEES AREN'T LOCKED, YOU'RE NOT IN THE POSE," "GO BEYOND YOUR BODY'S FLEXIBILITY!", "PUSH UNTIL IT HURTS!" and my personal favorite, "IF YOU'RE OFF BALANCE, IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH." Seriously, they never stop talking. It was sometimes hard to focus and balance, because they kept talking so fast, and some of their phrases would make me laugh, mid-pose. The only real differences between instructors was their tone of voice and their attitude toward letting people leave the room when they started passing out.
When doing forward folds, most of the instructors made reference to pushing your chest to your legs like a "Japanese ham sandwich." This was firstly, not a helpful analogy, secondly, seemed kinda racist, and thirdly, made a lot of sense but still seemed racist when I looked it up on Urban Dictionary (don't do this).
During one class the instructor introduced a new student by saying "X goes to another Bikram studio and doesn't drink water during her practice. Couldn't we all learn from X?" No, we couldn't, and for the record, X was lying on her mat lightheaded within ten minutes.
As for the instructors, at first I felt like they talked so fast that I had a hard time understanding what they were saying, and I got by from watching the other students. But since every Bikram class is exactly the same, I was able to follow along more and more each time I went.
The room temperature was very inconsistent. At first, I thought it was my imagination and my body struggling to adjust. Later, I realized that some days the ice in my water bottle lasted the entire class, while other days, it melted within the first half of class and I had hot water by the end.
I didn't consider Bikram to be a good workout compared to vinyasa and other types of yoga I've tried. It feels difficult because it's so hot, but the poses themselves do not require much strength, mostly just flexibility and a high tolerance for heat. As for the heat, I never felt lightheaded or dizzy, I just found it to be really, really unpleasant, contrary to the other forms of yoga I've tried. If you're a type-A personality and want a Jillian Michaels kind of person yelling at you nonstop, then this might be the type of yoga for you. As for me, I'll stick with my regular studio. read more