If this were the Greyhound Cuss Lines then all of the drivers would swear constantly. If this were the Greyhound Wuss Lines then the employees would all be very scared of everything. And if it were the Greyhound Pus Lines then the people travelling on these buses would have open sores that were going septic. Oh wait. Crap. All of those things are true.
Not really.
I have mixed feelings about Greyhound of NYC. On the one hand, I love that the company connects the whole country to each other and I think they did a great job of making it possible for people in X city to get to people in Y city reliably and easily. The pricing is pretty good too.
If you could count the number of buses on an antiquated form of counting, it'd be the Abacus Bus Lines.
However on the other hand, the buses are extremely uncomfortable. AC is usually nowhere near high enough. It's nearly impossible to sleep on here. They smell horrendous (partly due to the bathroom, partly due to anyone being allowed to ride on here including people that haven't washed in 6 months, and because it's the cheapest way to go, this is the way they go, and partly due to not cleaning the buses properly). They are often full to the brim, they are often leaving late, sometimes very late. There are often altercations between travelers. Need I go on?
If this company took over Austria, then it would be the Greyhound Anschuss Lines.
I used to take Greyhounds everywhere because I was poor. I'm still poor, but I have much better taste in transportation these days. If you have enough money, you should always, always, always take the train, or drive, or be driven, instead. That's my advice.
And if the government regulated this company, it'd become the Greyhound Antitrust Lines.
As for the bus station they operate from, I've already described it in a previous review. I used to practically live at Port Authority Bus Terminal in NYC and Greyhound of NYC basically knew my name (wild exaggeration, I think some of them don't even know their own names). Let's just say that it's not my favourite place, not by a long shot. It smells awful. The security guards can be brutal. I've seen the police harassing people down here. I've seen one case of police brutality down here. And I've had to spend one too many nights down here waiting for an early morning or late night bus. It's probably one of the least comfortable places I've ever spent a night in my life. And not particularly safe either, despite all the police presence.
If you've figured out how to ride these buses for free, then it's the Greyhound Suss Lines.
So all in all, it's 3 stars for Greyhound. The concept of the company is a 5/5, the pricing is 4/5, but the actual execution and comfort level are more like a 1/5 (although I appreciate that they now have outlets and wifi on some buses, which they did not used to have). So all in all it scores a mediocre 3.
And if you're wearing boots and are a feeline, it's the Greyhound Puss Lines (but beware, you'll probably get hit on by everything with a heartbeat on this bus, and probably some things with no heartbeats).
Luckily, as I said, I rarely use it anymore. I either drive to NYC or I take the train. I don't ever want to be at the Port Authority again, and yet I find myself coming back just for the memories, or to meet Eva and beg her to make out with me. Greyhound formed such a large part of my childhood, from when I was a teenager right up until recently. I once had a horrible fight with an ex at Greyhound NYC too. Haunting memories.
And if this company was owned by the parody boy band "2-Gether" then this would be the Greyhound Calculus Means U + Me Equals Us Lines. And if you don't get that reference, Mickey Park is going to come and get you.
Also I'd like to do a shout out to Thalie whose review of Steve Williams was touching. Thalie is one of the best Yelpers there is and this review proves why. I always hoped that if I ever used "Thalie" and "touching" in the same sentence that it'd be in a different context. Alas, I am not that lucky. read more