I wonder how much one can say about something like Safestore. How does one apply a star rating? I…read morewonder what a Safestore would have to do to qualify for five stars - velvet swags above each lockup? Roller-skating janitors dressed as padlocks? These are things I would certainly love to see. But it works and it keeps things safe and it's A-OK with me.
The first time I toddled down here to my Narnia Of Yelp Things (you don't think I keep all those lip balms in my sock drawer, do you?) I rang ahead to let them know I was coming. "I've taken over from Jenny L," I said. "I know the padlock code, but could you possibly just show me the way to the right space?" I was told that that would be no problem.
Later on, on the way, I got a wee bit lost and had to call for directions. "It's Cressi from Yelp again," I said. There was recognition in the chap's voice; we'd only spoken about three hours before. He sent me on the right path and informed me that, based on my location, I'd be there in about three minutes.
I was, and I walked into reception to be met with politely blank smiles from the two gentlemen sitting there. "I'm... Cressi from Yelp," I said. One of the men - evidently the owner, to whom I'd been speaking on the phone, perked up and immediately went through the records to find out the number of the space to guide me to.
Now, maybe that's something - a little picky perhaps, but for sure more useful than velvet swags... given that he'd known three minutes earlier that I'd be arriving in three minutes, it would have been impressive if he'd already pulled that information out in anticipation of my arrival. It didn't take long, so it wasn't an inconvenience, but just something I thought at the time.
Anyway, having found the number, he cheerfully hastened off down corridors, calling to me to follow. Racing round a series of identical corners, I felt a bit like I was in an episode of Doctor Who. It was good fun. Presently, we arrived at my spot, and he pleasantly bid me good day and set off back the way we'd come. I busied myself in diving headlong into my little world of exciting Yelpy things.
Alas. Having retrieved what I needed and re-secured the door, I began to make my way back, and became hopelessly and utterly lost in a twisting labyrinth of lockups. I gave a little cry of dismay, venturing ever further, until I was engulfed by darkness. For years I wandered, with nothing but lip balms for sustenance, lighting my way by burning playing cards. Somehow, after a long time - I don't know how long, but I felt weak and my hair had grown to my waist - I stumbled out into the loading area beside some vans. Feebly, I shielded my eyes from the blazing sunshine. I must have been lost in there for a good couple of minutes.
It was kind of fun, actually. But I wonder how often that happens... I wonder if anyone is still lost in there...