Listen, I - bear with me. I will collect myself and get back to you. Thank you for holding. I really hate to do this to a local business but for soon salient reasons they must see this when they log in to Yelp for the first time. The falafel: yes, quite good and very fresh. In store service: exactly what you'd expect from looking at it from the outside - a guy or two just putting in an honest 12 hour day's work in front of a hot vat of oil, making the best falafel he can and not worrying about the (I definitely agree) frills of graphic design or atmosphere. Just solid, honest food that takes years to master, and here it is for a price that gets him through while not stooping low enough to compete with the frozen falafels found forgotten and fouled from afar.
The problem is - and I absolutely cannot believe that I have to be the one to step in here - the online reviews. This very medium you're witnessing. This tangle of paragraphs you are scrolling past while considering alternatives because you don't want to walk all the way to Bank Street. This business is as-yet unclaimed on Yelp, so they aren't getting notified.
However... on Google Maps? A few hours ago I wrote over there that their falafel was "pretty good". My hand hovering, with the hesitation of over a week's passed memory on a single meal, between three stars and a fourth. Falafel doesn't often blow one's mind, and this one was simply another great one. It had been some time, I forgot what this one was like. If there was, I dare to dream, a three-point-five option, then bingo, you'd've had it. This falafel did not change my state of perception, nor my lives financial, romantic, or creative, but it was indeed-of-all-indeeds, pretty good. I certainly would've gone back again some day because I love falafel. Falafel's great any day. It's the best homework that Syria ever borrowed and changed a bit from a neighbour until that UAR flag came along.
My three star, absolutely middling and forgettable review was not good enough for Falafel Scoop's social media team, who I assume, are exactly one man and exactly the same man who made me a quite legitimately delicious falafel saj wrap. After two hours, there it was... the first ever reply to me from an owner on a locally owned restaurant review. I was excited to check it out, see what they had to say, hear 'em out, have a 1-on-1 but... I, my body, my mind, my soul, were all bombarded by hostility 'from the owner': Claims about my previous experience with falafel (a private matter for consenting adults, please and thank you), the soaring ego of not accepting that this falafel could ever be, as I wrote, 'nothing notable', an unrelated boast about the freshness of the falafel, which hey, I do appreciate but wasn't my concern while writing my initial review while waiting for water to boil, and for some reason, a call to action for me to 'quit ethnic foods if you have no idea what it is'.
That was, so, uh, hm, okay.
So that ...
Hm.
That was just a lot of a man's life to see shown in just so few words. I see you. I respect your work. Of course I don't have an idea of what ethnic foods are - the label of E T H N I C is just something that us dumbo paleboys assign to something one Scoville north of milk to sell bad musak under. I appreciate your work and your craft, your love and perseverance. I myself, could absolutely never make falafel even approaching yours. Someday I may try. I'm yet too afraid of boiled oil. The B'oil. It's just that you really didn't need to do that. You really-really did not need to write a whole bunch of words that only one person will ever see, in order to simply put them down and the vent your mild disappointment. You didn't need to do exactly the thing that I am doing here.
So this one star is not for your pretty good falafel. It is for the way you did the thing you shouldn't even have push notifications enabled for. It's for your replies to others as well. So I stand in ABSOLUTE solidarity with John, and with Xi, Vahn, and also with Imad, with someone whose name I can't read, with Olla, with Joseph and the brave few non 5-star reviewers who opposed the tyranny of a review hawk who chooses (and I totally understand neck deep in a pandemic how necessary it is) to take out a stressful, focused day's work out on someone who just doesn't remember what their life's work and passion tastes like.
Here is the thing that must finally be read, because I know it someday will be: Please, for your own sanity, your own wellbeing, your own love of your art and your business: Don't engage with bad comments. It's the first law of the internet, it's the first law of theatre, and the secret seventh law of thermodynamics: The haters are never, ever worth your time. The 'meh'-ers? Even less so. Just let them flow by. Ignore them. Don't spend hours of your day on them. Just. Log. Off. I Love You. read more