This is where you go if you've been bad in a past life. Waited 30 minutes to get a number. Got #29.
Waited another hour, so far, for that number to be called. No doubt to provide jobs to graduates of secret CIA rendition factilites, the numbers aren't in any particular order. It sweetens the suffering you see - makes it more exquisite. 402, 18, 958, 702, 855, 19... There must be a pattern! Ow! My brain...
Got to see a fun screaming match. "Shut up!" "No, you shut up!" Deputy Tex appears. He doesn't talk to the yellers. Instead he informs everyone sitting that he needs to see their papers or the have to leave. Where am I? A North Korean train depot? No food or drink allowed, so maybe. If people sit without the proper paperwork, the terrorists will win, you see.
Been here 105 minutes now, they have a website. Use it, if you can.
Suddenly, consecutive numbers start to appear! 20, 21, 22. Keep going baby!
959!? Nooooo!!! 209?
A man in a blue shirt and orange best sits at a previously idle window. He is bald and has the look of efficiency about him. Who hired this guy? Will he open window 2? 38 Texans hold their breath.
23! There is order in this chaos, or maybe they only want me to think that. Mustn't give in. Mustn't have hope. They use hope as a weapon. Call a number near yours and then... 451? I knew it. They won't fool me again.
Two hours now. The bald man has vanished. They probably put him on a performance plan. 857, 210 and the bald man has opened window 2. Is it a trick?
"To expedite service, please have all required documents available." Do I have them? Doubt and fear fill me.
A different deputy appears, "Take a seat! I need everybody to take a seat!". Or what, the plane can't leave the gate? Of course, he's got the gun and the taser, so I confine my snark to yelp. Aren't you lucky.
211, 212, 213... 800?
I'm seeing a pattern. The bald man is only seeing bald applicants. What's up with that?
25, 214. Window six is on a roll. Three applicants in a row. 6, 6, 6. That explains a lot. Window six - the devil's window- just called 26. Is that where fate leads? Haven't my sins been purged in the waiting room?
Two hours fifteen minutes so far. 27, 28, mustn't hope. Mustn't hope. 403. I knew it, and she got the devil's window. Ha!
215.
Finally 29! At window six! I approach, like I'm about to order from the Soup Nazi. Temporary paper license issued, real plastic one in the mail. Total time: two hours, twenty-five minutes waiting. Three minutes getting renewed. Thank God the government is taking over health care.
Two stars because I imagine that a dominatrix would charge more per hour but be less imaginative. read more