BEWARE OF THIS PRACTIONER (!) if you are someone who experiences multiple intersections of systematic oppression. DAVA IS NOT DOING THE WORK and this is not a safe space to entrust your precious body, mind, spirit into. Dava created harm rather than good in my experience with her.
+ENTITLED:
I went to Dava after the death of two people who are deeply important to me. Instead of feeling supported and cared for by a thoughtful practitioner, I was met with harsh words and ideas from Dava about how I should be grieving, living and processing my days. No one has the same experience of grief, but Dava suggested a grocery list of things along with solicited advice on how I should be aiming to "feel better." I never went to see Dava to "feel better," I went to feel nurtured, to establish a sense of release, to face my grief, to balance my body and perhaps over time, not immediately feeling better would be a result of these actions.
+NOT A LISTENER:
Dava ignored the things I was already doing for myself in my process of grief and kept pushing ideas onto me. She even went as a far as to say that I was weak in the way I was grieving because it didn't reflect the things she should I thought I should be doing within her timeline. She told me that I needed to find my strength (clearly she is unaware of the strong black woman trope). Dava barely listened to me and completely ignored my boundaries in favor of giving unsolicited advice. When I was unable to accept her suggestions as something that could work for me, she became agitated, claimed she was trying to help me and that I had asked her for advice (places blame onto me, typical move). I never asked Dava for advice about my life choices or how to grieve. I asked Dava about the treatment and if the timing was right for the compounded trauma I've experienced.
+LACK OF BOUNDARIES:
Dava fished and crossed boundaries, asking vulnerable questions that she had no business to ask because she is not a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. I shared some sacred things with her so she could simply listen and SEE ME, not for advice. But Dava never did the work of attempting to establish trust with me. We met only twice and she was asking me deep questions without being there to receive the answers.This is not my first time receiving acupuncture or working with a holistic health practitioner, so I have experience with the type of questions that are appropriate to ask and there are always boundaries established. I have NEVER been pushed as much to share such intimate details of my life with someone who I just met under the guise that this information would help them care for me. But instead, Dava used my vulnerability against me and infused the conversation with criticism.
+DANGEROUS:
Dava has not done enough work to responsibly care for Black, Brown and Indigenous people. For those of us coming from and surviving lifetimes of trauma, systematic oppression and grief that feels impossible - we need to be cared for by people who see us. Not to mention, for those of us who are experiencing multi levels of grief and violence every single day, we do not need to be met with more harm. That harm can be verbal, emotional, physical, financial, psychological, social and spiritual. Most of us do not have the ability to choose our experiences/our circumstances. We have agency, but not everything is in our control, even if it might seem so simple as taking a small action towards our health. When I explained to Dava that I lived in a racially hostile neighborhood/state, she suggested that I should look in other areas (was she going to pay my rent?) and went on to list neighborhoods she claimed were "better" (gentrified) and full of millennial and LGBTQ folks. I guess she is missing the fact, that even millennial and people who identify as LGBTQ can also be born privileged.
+PRIVILEGE:
She ignored my agency. Because Dava spent so much time throwing prescriptive ideas at me, she missed the fact that I trust myself and I shared my experience of grief with her, not so that she could be my savior, but so that she could assist me through a horrendous time via the medicine of acupuncture. Even though I am in my 40's Dava, spoke to me like she was my mother and I her child -- calling me honey, not in a kind way, but in a "let me tell you how it is," kind of way. Grief is not pretty. Don't try to save people from their grief and begin by listening to them, their needs, their boundaries, their experiences and perhaps ask them what they need, ask them if it's ok to give advice, ask them if they feel comfortable sharing certain personal information. Learn to build trust. Your degrees and training don't give you automatic access to a person's body, mind or spirit, even if they do come into your office for the medicine. Consent and listening is the foundation of care and so is doing the work if you are going to see patients who are not in your socio-cultural background. read more
