One thing that I never expected to ever encounter was free food. Who gives away free food? WHY would you give away free food?
So it was with surprise that I was stopped at the door of Costco and offered a free cup of tea or coffee. I looked at the bloke like a dog being shown a card trick and asked him to repeat his offer.
Would you like a free cup of tea or coffee? he repeated, pointing at the giant vats of tea and coffee in front of him. I asked him what the catch was and he said that there wasn't one.
I'm no plonker. I've never before been caught out by a scam in my life, except for the hoopla stall in Blackpool (but that's another story). So I asked him for a copy of the Terms and Conditions that accompanied his offer. There were none, he said, just that I got free tea of coffee. So I accepted a cup of coffee.
I waited around for a while, peering anxiously over my shoulder and waiting for the consequences of accepting this free cup of coffee. There were none. No plague of locusts, no police, no nothing.
Already I was thinking that this was the best place in the world. But it was about to get even better. Once inside, they had stalls offering free samples of nearly everything.
Me and a friend queued for the first free sample. It was for waffles. Not Birdseye waffles either. They were Belgian waffles with cream. We scoffed down the sample in no time while the girl told us, These are Premium Belgian Waffles. You get six in a pack and they cost £1.75. By the time she'd finished her sales spiel, we'd finished and walked away.
We realised that this could get even better. There were, in total, 12 free sample stalls. By visiting each one in turn and then waiting for the staff to change shifts, we could feast for practically the whole day. My friend gave this the term 'Shift Knowledge Maximisation', or SKM for short. I understand that he's in the process of writing a book all about it.
Using a napkin from one of the free sample stalls and a pen stolen from The Free Coffee Guy on the front door, we scrawled down the name of the product on offer (e.g. Premium chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce) and the name of the lady manning the stall (e.g. Cassie) and how long they had been there and their mood (e.g. Been standing here now for roughly 30 mins, starting to look like she needs a loo break). By collating all of this information, we were then able to snaffle roughly 50 free samples.
The staff started getting suspicious when we started interrupting their sales spiel in our haste to move onto the next stall. One conversation went like this:
ME: Free sample of chocolate fudge cake? Thanks very much. (Tucks in)
LADY: These are Premium Chocolate Fu
ME: Shut up, I don't care. Quick, Stacey off the pizza stall's gone to make a phone call and she's been replaced by Sandra. Get over there!
This took most of Saturday afternoon, but by the time we left we were completely full up. The only item that I actually purchased was a value pack of Rennies to ease the heartburn caused by the waffles.
Costco also sell tents, so it is my belief that one day, man will abandon work and will set up camp in Costco stores nationwide, leaving only to forage for freebies. read more