Although I like being massaged, I generally don't like massages. Contradiction, I know. I just find the thought of a stranger laying hands on my gelatinous torso disconcerting is all. Yes, it's their job and they've probably seen worse, but hey, it's my body and I'll cry if I want to.
I also think I dislike massages because when I relax, I like to fart. Push down on my abdomen at your own risk, my friends. Massaging hands create external pressure leading to internal pressure and there's nary a release valve in sight. Oy. I don't find that too relaxing to be quite honest. I guess I could just let one rip, but then I'd have to tip at least 90% and I don't think I could afford that. Oh the winds of change, they are a-breakin'.
However, once in a while my wife tires of massaging my shoulders and shouldering my farts and she buys me a gift certificate to her massage therapist, Christine Legnon. Despite my earlier protestations, I like my Christine massages. She has a supernatural sense of where to push, where to rub, how strong and how much. And I get by the farting part simply by falling asleep half the time. Yes, Christine's magical hands manage to keep even the crankiest of digestive tracks at bay. In fact, Allure Magazine agrees with me (with Christine being awesome, not my gassiness), blurbing Christine in a recent issue. (See the pic.)
Christine will talk if you want, but since I'm not a talker during massages, she respects that. That's cool. I hate talkative masseuses. As if I don't have enough going on in my head, gassy and nearly naked on a stranger's table, I've got to come up with small talk? So if you're a massage therapist and happen to be reading this review, please keep the chit chat to a minimum. Just let the candles soothe and the Enya play on. Speaking of which, I've not actually had a massage at Christine's new place, but I have seen it. Pretty, cozy and Studioplexy. This is the only reason I'm reviewing Christine separately from Aviary Organic Beauty Collective.
Now let's review what we've learned today. 1) Christine is a fantastic massage therapist. (And for you Mythbuster fans, I think she bears a striking resemblance to Kari B.) 2) Nothing is worse than a chatty massage therapist. 3) I'm gassier than the love child of John Madden and the Hindenburg.
Five stars. read more