I have a few superpowers, and one of them, Dear Reader, is finding the best coffee in every town/city/place I go. I travel a lot so I must've developed this 6th (or 7th or 8th) sense somewhere between El Paso and Iceland; I can just tell whether I will like, love, or loathe the coffee with very little info: and I was correct about Bluebell! coffee there was superb.
And unfortunately, THAT is literally the only good thing I can say about this place.
It was bad, and I mean APPALLINGLY bad. After waiting forty (40) minutes to even get a menu & order (after watching group after group get seated, order, offered beverages etc) it took my having to go up to the counter to get a paper menu & order. (If you don't have Wi-Fi data on your phone, you can't use their Wi-Fi - it's apparently named after & only available to the owner and her pals.) This was met with a type of polite contempt that the truly miserable among us tell on themselves when they convey. And make no mistake, it requires a *deep* well of misery to treat people (indeed, customers!) innocently strolling in to get some "brunch" as if they had kicked your mother in the teeth or something. I know this sounds like hyperbole, but i wish I'd taken photos of the expressions these women made; "rude" would be an understatement. I was not the only customer they behaved this way with - there was a small group of 2 lovely women, 2 tables away who received similar scattershot vitriol, but they were less quiet than I was about being ignored, which apparently cut their wait time for their food & beverages in about half.
I ordered a cappuccino and "Benedict Eggs" which, in this case, was more of a florentine with sautéed spinach and salmon on brioche , and what they called "a coriander" hollandaise (so, cilantro blended in.)
They had the nerve to serve: toasted brioche, (cold) cooked spinach with what looked & tasted like salmon flavored dog food (also cold! Like, icebox cold!) a poached egg then and a huge dollop of sauce that was so obviously straight from the fridge, that it was the texture/consistency of Hellman's mayonnaise just giggling there, atop the egg. Yikes
Ladies! Get a grip!! GET IT TOGETHER! I am not hard to please but this was ABSURD!
I am not even sure what they were going for with the salmon -
was it cold smoked?
Was it salt poached?
was it indeed ACTUALLY cold dog food?
G*d knows, I do not!
I calmly & as politely as I could, told them I could definitely.not.eat.that.
I complemented the coffee, and I meant it, but after waiting an hour...they could not seriously expect me to consume (much less pay for) this "Benedict Eggs"...
The waitress, who had literally avoided my face with her eyes for an entire hour (in a place that cramped takes a tremendous effort and resolve, tbh) looked me straight in the eye after speaking with the captain of the ship ~le barista~
and informed me they could perhaps warm it up for me (so they were offering me a microwaved poached eggs? ma'am, U MUST BE JOKING!) but that was, indeed, all they were offering.
So I laughed. This HAD to be a joke, tbh ? it just was. So I made my way out that door with a laugh. Smiling, I left a £5 tip for the wonderful roasted bean liquid + milk (you're welcome!) and I suggest never, ever stepping foot in this place unless you are a provincial Valencian with a bunch of patient, sycophantic friends 2) a wannabe indie rock musician (this is primarily who they worship & cater to.) or 3) getting your beverage PARA SALIR and eating something ELSEWHERE ((ANYWHERE!))
if I could sum Bluebell up into one word:
Ew.
- there's coffee at least as good 3 mins away at Los Picos, Mayan Coffee on the other side, or Blackbird - all with lovely food, truly excellent coffee, and people who don't act like you have assaulted them by giving them your patronage. Go there instead! read more