HOT AS HELL.
I've…read morealways been curious about this place, so I decided to venture in. I knew I was at Noodlebox, because it said NOODLEBOX on the sign. As I popped a Tic Tac and entered the establishment to glance over the menu, one dish stood out in particular to me - their Singapore Curry dish.
Now, I've been to Singapore and the food there was top notch (and easy for me to math in my head - their exchange rate was almost on par)! Not the hostel I stayed at though, ugh - 32 people in one room, and one shower. Thankfully I can now afford more than $7 a night and no loss to my dignity and/or self-respect for the most part. Hence, the trip to Noodlebox, which at $13 with the TOFU protein addition, would have only been bested if I actually paid in Singaporean dollars.
I ordered this dish with the 'Scorching Hot' level of spice. Now, I've had to make 'retail spice' decisions before, and I've been let down on levels that would make Nikki Bella jealous (I'm looking at you, Wendy's spicy chicken burger). I was a man on a mission, with too much bravado and a twinkle of confidence in my swagger.
As I brought this (noodle)box back to my car, I noticed it has a radiant glow around it. Now, this could have been delusions from the rancid Tic Tac I just consumed, but more likely it was due to the number of peppers that I could see, peeking through the cracks in the box. My hand started to shake. An uneasy feeling eased upon me.
I get back to my office, take my first bite of this red-colored culinary puzzle, and almost fell sideways out of my chair. This wasn't just hot - this was SUN-LEVEL NUCLEAR. My hairline instantly started to sweat. MY HAIRLINE. As my skin turned red, my mouth became hotter than Death Valley and my sinuses turned into acid rain. But I pressed on, consuming this red mush paste as it pummeled my face, my self-respect, and my will to live. Furthermore, what felt like a glowing orb of fire formed in my belly, and floated around my torso for many hours. My eyeballs turned hot.
I now knew what the human version of DEFCON Level 1 feels like. If this dish was a video game, it would be Fallout: NOODLEBOX Edition.
After traveling through time and space for the rest of the day, I returned to Earth with a warning from the future - thou shall NOT attempt this again, lest ye be judged and whilst return to hallways of Hell's eternal damnation. Satan, I have at thee.
If you like warm vacations, here's what I recommend (in order) - Cancun, the Sahara, Hell, NOODLEBOX.
That said, the flavor was on point. 10 / 10, would eat there again. 3 / 10 on time traveling though, would take a lower spice level.