Came here on the recommendation of a friend. I had some misgivings, considering it's on the Royal Mile, ensconced among the tourist shops and attractions. But since it came recommended, I decided to give it a shot.
Pro tip: don't go alone. Being a solo diner is tantamount to being a leper in full bloom. When I asked for a table for one, the hostesses looked at me like I had a third eye. They tried to hide their horror but subtlety isn't their strong suit.
Despite visibly available tables both outside and in the main dining room, the hostess informed me the *only* thing they had was "downstairs." I guess being a solo diner, I shouldn't expect anything better. At least they didn't make me sit in the alley by the garbage.
The hostess is working overtime to explain why "downstairs" is SO much better than where they let the rest of the normal people sit and where they keep the natural light and cool air. Save it, sister. Message received.
I sit at a table made for two that is situated halfway into a hallway (I sit in the chair not in the hallway). My hostess gushes about how so-n-so, my waiter, will be taking SUCH good care of me since I am lucky enough to be in the basement, I mean "downstairs." On the upside, the bathroom is ten steps from my table, just in case!
I sit with menus and tap water for a slightly longer time than would be customary. Maybe they're hoping someone is going to join me and save me from my solitude (but, really, who wants to sit in the hallway?).
So-n-so the waiter, who looks distractingly like a young, chubby, bespectacled, stubbly Russell Crowe, comes over, dispensing with formalities and asking me if I'm ready to order. I think they're trying to fast track me out of here at this point in case the hallway seat is in high demand.
I inform Russell that I would like to order a glass of wine first, if that's okay. I order a glass of some very nondescript pinot blanc and gnaw on my rock-hard sourdough bread, dipping it in my olive oil and balsamic (sigh - when did this become the fall-back bread course?). But there's a twist! Normally the oil and vinegar is served on a plate to allow you to absorb oil AND vinegar. Here, it's served in a tiny bowl.
Physics lesson: the vinegar sinks to the bottom, which means if you want to get some of the balsamic on your bread, you've either got to go diving for it (and drown your bread in oil in the process) or you have to create a little whirlpool in the bowl, which I think is frowned upon in polite society.
Russell comes back to ask me again if I'm ready to order (that hallway seat is waiting!). I decide to give Russ the benefit of the doubt and ask him to recommend one of two appetizers I'm considering. Before I can get the two of choices out of my mouth, he blurts out "sea bass!" like a fisherman with Tourette's.
Since it was one of the ones I was considering, and it's paired with my glass of whatever-that-wine is, I take his recommendation. Mistake. This looks gross.
Piece of sea bass with skin on (pet peeve) and an ink cracker (presumably squid ink and ... styrofoam?) that looks like bubble wrap covered in tar. All floating on a bed of curry.
Once the fish skin is removed (ew ew ew), it's fine. I guess it's a good thing I didn't order the haggis appetizer (there was never a risk of that happening, btw).
The curry has nice flavor and mild heat, but it's consistency is a little thick - almost gelatinous. This cracker though...
I'm not sure why the seabass was paired with the boring wine, though. Maybe they're trying to move that out of the wine cellar in favor of something new...
All in all, I'd give this appetizer 2.75 stars out of 5.
While I wait for my main course, I notice that the soundtrack is unusual. Not Scottish. Not Italian (is this an Italian restaurant?). It's 70s R&B. Stevie Wonder's "Sir Duke." Before that, that Tina Turner/Phil Spector tune. Okay.
Looking forward to my entree. 8 Oz filet with peppercorn sauce and a side of mushrooms and garlic. I wonder when it's going to get here...
I'll be there - Jackson 5
Let's get it on - Marvin Gaye?
Meat - not a great sear. Sea salt on top but still lacked flavor. Underdone. A little sinewy in places.
Mushrooms - great but where's the garlic?
Peppercorn sauce - sweetness yuck it's supposed to be peppery not sweet.
Fries? Who cares?
I'm nearly through my meal. Russell hasn't come by to check on me once. Maybe he sees I'm making notes and is freaked out?
Russell is being very attentive and jocular w the table of five next to me. I feel slighted.
I order a forgettable dessert and made my way out. No thank you, no nothing.
Customer service: 0/5
Atmosphere: not applicable (but it looked nice where they let the humans sit)
Wine: 1/5
Food: 2.5/5
Value: 1/5 (way overpriced for the quality) read more