even if you only aspire to writing YELP reviews (or stories about rainbows and unicorns), the VISTA DETENTION FACILITY is a must-see local attraction with a colorful (albeit cliche) cast of film-noir characters. the automated phone system is dysfunctional (was given the number on the first of five or six visits that afternoon and evening) so you gotta show up in person.
there's the humorless staff entrenched behind bullet-proof windows. the bail bondsman in his shiny silver suit, stiffly starched black shirt, black-on-black string tie and narrow, pointy, black leather, silver-tipped shoes. he leaves a pungent cloud of body wash, a sickly smell of dead flowers and over-ripe fruit, in his wake. clutching three sets of paperwork in his fist, a knowing look passes between him and the staff in their bunker. this is not their first rodeo.
there's a disappointingly scruffy pimp (no oversized fedora or feathered boa) picking up his girls. i'm reminded of the old joke about what do you call a fat hooker in OCEANSIDE? a heavy MARINE layer ...
there's a women with a freshly busted nose stuffed with toilet paper twists already soaked with blood, one, raccoon eye swollen shut and black-mascara streaks running down her puffy cheeks. she's come to pick up a boyfriend who argues with his fists. she's changed her mind about pressing charges. "i know he'll change, he loves me," i hear her reassuring the guy behind the glass. he struggles to appear sympathetic but doesn't look convinced.
there's a steady trickled of bone-weary moms picking up drug addled kids. i saw one boy fish a bong from under his mom's passenger seat as soon as he climbed in her car. grabbing his trusty BIC, he disappeared in a cloud of sticky, sweet smoke even before they got out of the parking lot. i could barely make out his mother, desperately clutching the cross hanging around her neck, her limps silently mouthing a prayer. i scratch my head, not sure why she bothered making the drive.
and why was i there soaking up local color ?? a friend of mine got arrested for car-jacking when he tried to retrieve a U-HAUL that a meth-head rented, filled with his earthly belongings and turned into his tweeker RV. he was eight-months into a two-day rental.
they crossed paths at the VISTA courthouse. the tweeker, standup guy that he is, was there because he got busted again for possession and public intoxication. his rap sheet is as thick as a five-borough phone book. my friend was there filing the paperwork to evict a tenant who hasn't paid his rent since before CHRISTMAS.
funny how we live in a world where bad guys have rights but the rest of us, starting with landlords, not so much ...
because my friend, in his former life before he was "rehabilitated," was PUBLIC ENEMY #1 (back in the day local newspapers characterized him as the AL CAPONE of NORTH COUNTY), he blew up police computers when they ran a background check. even though his active history was thirty years ago (and he did his time) the FBI, the DEA, the city, county and state police, the CIA, the NSA, HOMELAND SECURITY, the VATICAN and ORVILLE REDDENBACKER all wanted to know if he was "back in the game."
not willing to pay the bail bondsman's VIG, he called and asked me to bring a cashiers check. it took nearly seven hours from the time i dropped off the money till he got "processed."
he had a court appearance the following week. i picked him up at the airport (even though he lives locally) because he was in COLORADO for his teenage daughter's soccer tournament. we showed up promptly at the courthouse. his case was not on the docket posted outside the court room and it took five hours to find out the DA dropped the car-jacking charges -- hey, thanks for the heads-up.
six weeks, a couple more visits and dozens of phone calls later, we're still waiting to get the money back from the county. what a clusterbang that's been.
if this review was about that part of the process, they would not be getting four stars. read more
