I want to share what my family experienced with my dad's urology followup at Valley Urology with Dr. Greg Rainwater, to raise awareness about how vulnerable patients, especially seniors on Medicare/Medicare Advantage can be treated in the system.
My dad (73) recently had a urinary retention emergency. He couldn't pee, ended up in the ER, got a catheter, and went through days of severe pain and fear. His primary doctor submitted a referral marked "urgent" to Valley Urology, and the insurance processed that referral within 24 hours so he could be seen sooner.
Even with the urgent referral, Valley Urology scheduled his appointment for February 18, more than a month after his ER visit despite us explaining that he was in what felt like a life‑or‑death situation and in tremendous pain. They refused to offer an earlier date.
Because he was still in tremendous pain and could not safely wait that long, we paid out‑of‑pocket to see a Bay Area urologist (El Camino Health Urology) who removed the catheter, started medication, and helped stabilize him (worth every penny and the drive).
February 18 was the first followup with his insurance‑assigned urologist, Dr. Greg Rainwater at Valley Urology.
-We arrived at 9:00 AM for a 9:30 AM appointment.
-We watched other patients who arrived later get called back and seen before my dad.
-We were kept waiting about an hour in the waiting room and then another hour in the exam room before Dr. Rainwater walked in.
When he finally came in, his tone was, in our view, cold and condescending from the start. He openly dismissed the previous urologist we had seen (without knowing his background), and when I brought up our long wait and the impact on my dad, his response included statements like:
"I don't care. You were lucky to get an appointment."
"If I'm running two hours behind, go to the ER."
"If you don't like it, find another doctor or get him another insurance."
These comments were made in front of my dad, who has already been through a traumatic ER experience, language barriers, and weeks of pain. As a family, we are left feeling disrespected, minimized, and discriminated against because of his insurance, his age, and possibly our race and situation. Are we supposed to just accept any treatment we get and be "grateful"? Absolutely not.
Medically, my dad is currently urinating better on his medications, and we're thankful his immediate condition is stable. But how patients and families are treated matters just as much as the clinical plan. Being one of the only urologists accepting certain insurances in the region does not, in our opinion, excuse dismissive communication or a lack of basic empathy or refusal to accommodate an urgent referral for a patient in severe pain.
I'm sharing this because:
-Yes, there is a shortage of doctors, especially in urology, and yes, wait times can be long. But basic respect and empathy are not optional.
-Seniors, and people with limited English are especially vulnerable in these settings. They may not feel safe speaking up when they're rushed, talked down to, or made to feel like a burden.
-Patients and families have rights. You can:
*Ask questions and expect clear, non‑condescending answers.
*Seek second and third opinions when doctors disagree or you don't feel heard.
*Request a different doctor within your plan when the relationship and trust are broken.
*Document what happens (dates, times, specific quotes) and file complaints with the clinic, the health system, and the insurance plan when treatment feels disrespectful or discriminatory.
If you have older parents or loved ones navigating the system, go with them when you can. Take notes. Don't be afraid to advocate. And don't let anyone make you feel that expecting humane, professional care is "too much."
Our next steps will be to keep my dad safe medically (staying on his meds, monitoring his symptoms) and to look for a urologist who can offer not just clinical competence, but basic dignity and respect in how they treat him and our family.
If sharing this helps even one family feel less alone or more empowered to speak up, it will be worth it. read more