It was recently brought to my attention that I have been in survival mode for so many years that…read morefor the past 2 peaceful ones, I repeatedly catch myself crying seemingly w/o reason because I can finally let my guard down. I thought I had outrun my trauma & would now be basking in the afterglow of a battle well fought. Apparently that's not how it works. There is no basking. My time is spent mostly doing nothing. Not wanting to leave my house. Being exhausted by other people. Sick of even hearing myself talk. Feeling completely useless. I've started to realize that if I'm not being an active parent (kids are now grown), dealing with an addict (he's been in recovery for 3 yrs), being a student, a teacher (lost my job after a traumatic brain & back/nerve-injuries from getting crushed by a semi truck), an activist, a volunteer (working with Orlando organizations to feed the unhomed & students on the backpack program to provide them food over the weekends, to make sure students got holiday meals & gifts, made sure Baby DJ had myself AND my 10th grade daughter in Santa hats helping parents in need shop free for their childrens' Christmas (even just one month after losing everything we owned in a house fire & living in a La Quinta funded by the Red Cross ourselves), still overly empathetic to others, trying to be problem solver, a do gooder, a people pleaser for those even worse off than us... I don't think I fully remember who I was before but I know I miss her... I miss the girl who just stepped over all the bombs & got stuff done. I miss the assertive girl who could not stand any injustice & worked tirelessly to overcome every the life dished out to my family and others. I felt her coming apart, just by little fractures, but continually over time until there was nothing left to give. This broken version of me that has lost interest in all of the things that once made me proud is incredibly depressing. I've needed something to feel accountable for. Last month at just the right time, an angel whispered in my ear & told me about Walk With Me. I'll keep her name to myself because I don't know if she wants to be named publicly, but she knows who she is & I owe her & the whole team a great debt! I have been to 3 sessions of a women's group and can't imagine not going anymore. I love every person in our very large group for a variety of reasons, and don't know how I got so lucky to be included. This is HUGE. I typically have to talk myself back into doing things even when I know I enjoy them. Jen & the staff are all absolutely amazing! They are generous with their own stories while still providing you an ear for as long or as little as you want/need it (even outside your scheduled time), there is zero judgement, no "right" or "wrong" way to do/think/be. The environment is extremely safe, comfortable, & encouraging for all who enter. The horses are friendly & clearly well cared for (many of whom come with rescue stories of their own). In just slightly less than a month, I have gone from having zero knowledge of anything farm related to believing in equine therapy w/everything in me, AND being a member of a tribe! Whether you're dealing with trauma or just trying to learn how to treat yourself a little kinder, I could not recommend Walk With Me more!! I'm starting to see little glimpses of the old me that I haven't been able to find for so long, & I am so grateful! I have already offered to volunteer w/anything they need now &/or at any point in the future, and hope that I don't scare them away because my enthusiasm is a testament to the beautiful work they do for people like myself & others. If you're ever looking for something to do, a horse to ride, a lesson to take, or best yet, therapy for what ails you, there is nowhere else I'd rather be. I no longer want to hide in the confines of my own home. I want to be at the farm as much as they'll have me for as long as they can stand me. If you don't fancy yourself a horse or farm person but want to help with the absolutely beautiful work they provide both for the horses & those in need, please consider donating. Even if you want to join in and also have extra money to donate to allow someone else that may benefit from but can't afford the opportunity to join, every little bit helps! They are a non profit organization and will use your donations in the best way possible as they continue their absolutely phenomenal assistance to the community.