Okay, Hyper Kidz. I have thoughts…read more
First, the facility is incredibly clean. Like, impressively clean. The restrooms were clean, the play equipment looked well maintained, and the entire place actually smelled clean. No weird foot smell. I did not see any broken equipment, worn-out flooring, or even one crushed ball in any of the ball pits. Parking was easy too, and there were plenty of places to store shoes before entering.
The play spaces are divided into overlapping age groups: infant to 2yo, ages 2yo to 7yo, and ages 4yo through big kid.
The 4yo-and-up area is toward the front with climbing structures, tube slides, and all kinds of soft-play obstacles. The 2yo-to-7yo area is behind it and has slides, a ball pit, and one of those giant Lite-Brite boards. The infant-to-2yo area is to the right of that and has a very cute water play pad, small trampolines, and tiny slides for the littlest of kiddos.
There is also a roped off "birthday kid dance floor" that is only open to birthday kids and their party guests during their designated 'dance party time'. I find this kind of silly-cute. The kids seem to enjoy it.
Unfortunately, we walked in and were immediately assaulted by the volume of the music. I figured an indoor play center full of children running, playing, and screaming would be loud, so I came prepared with hearing protection for myself and my kiddo. I know better than to enter a place like this without it. I do not normally require my kiddo to wear his, but the music was considerably louder than the children. My watch repeatedly warned me that the environment had reached an unsafe volume. I cannot imagine that feels good on little ears. The music was assaulting.
The admission line was also incredibly long. There were approximately 20 groups waiting, so easily more than 40 people, with only one employee selling tickets. At the same time, what appeared to be two managers and three other employees were all gathered around a computer troubleshooting something, even though only one person seemed to be actively working on it. All of this was happening while two other registers sat unused. I watched several groups give up and leave after waiting for quite a while. Not ideal.
The restrooms are aaaallll the way in the back, and there is no overhead signage telling you where they are. There was only one changing table in the women's restroom, located outside the stalls. It was nice that they provided complimentary diapers and wipes beside it.
The farther back you go, the worse the air circulation becomes. The entire building was warm, but the younger children's areas in the back were noticeably warmer and stuffier than the front.
I also really wish they had a Chuck E. Cheese-style parent-and-child matching system at the exit. Because the age-group areas are spread throughout the building, a parent with children in different sections cannot keep both areas and the exit in view. An older child could very easily wander outside, or potentially leave with someone else, while the parent is supervising a younger child farther back.
And then there are the chairs. Honestly, I am only writing this entire review because of these dang chairs.
There are tons of barstool-style chairs around the infant and two-to-seven-year-old areas, but they have been placed beneath standard counter-height counters. There is maybe an inch of clearance between the seats and the bottom of the counter. You cannot put your legs underneath. You cannot comfortably face the counter. You cannot really use the counter at all.
The stools also have no backs, which I personally consider to be an overt act of violence against all parents. Even the ones who are not there. All of them.
Then someone placed the stools' circular bases on slightly padded flooring, so they feel mildly unstable too. Normally, I would wedge my legs beneath the counter for reassurance, but I cannot because there is no room for human legs. They managed to provide an abundance of seating while somehow providing almost nowhere to functionally sit. Honestly, kind of impressive, but in a "WTF?" kind of way.
Hyper Kidz is extremely clean, well maintained, and has a lot for children to do. But bring hearing protection, dress for the heat, prepare to search for the restroom, and begin strengthening your core now if you plan to attempt the chairs.
TLDR
Very clean, VERY LOUD music, a/c gets noticeably stuffier in the back, and the excessive abundance of bar stool seating with no back rests should be considered an act of terrorism. My kid fucking loooooovved it though. Spent four hours there and he was very sweaty when we left. He passed out hard when we got home.
Will I come back?
Idk. Maybe, maybe not. I may not want to but I'm sure my little one will. So I will likely cave just to see his sweet smile and experience the easiest bedtime ever.
But this is not a play that I'm choosing again.
