I'll be honest I might be a "captain" after navigating the uncharted waters of Warrensburg, MO for…read morethe first time. Alas me matties after me daughters' graduation from high school the crew decided to drop anchor at Captains in Warrensburg for some much-needed provisions! After exiting the queen "Nissan Rogue" I noticed this place be ye from the Caribbean as I spotted a scallywag on top of the saloon! Opening the doors my seaworthy nose smelled grog and grub, what any good pirate needs. At least the Captain Sports Longue be located in safe waters without riffraff or worse, the Queens' Royal Fleet!
Among me three deck-mates, matties included be: older daughter, younger daughter and boyfriend of older daughter. The sea casted a thirst that only be quenched by a bourbon and diet coke so I flagged down the bar maiden to open up a barrel of bourbon! The little lady be cute as a button however me good eye do profess, she was slow, and without many patrons made me question her motivations. Strike one for the land lover. At long last she gave us parchments detailing their meat and hardtack (old biscuits).
My oldest daughter, the graduating one ordered the Ruben with an app of spin dip, the youngest ordered crab rangoons, the "lucky to be alive boyfriend" ordered their Napalm wings while I demanded ye old sesame shrimp spire. The little lassy showed up with the spin dip, pleasing to all of our famished bellies. They had a good mixture of artichokes to spinach with a nice kick of parmesan and cream cheese. The chips were also nice being fresh and crispy. The main provisions began to arrive and older daughter commented on her booty shouting "Arrrr... the Reuben be good, says I - the meat is succulent with just the right amount of sour kraut and Swiss cheese and it even has 1000 Islands dressing, 1 less than I have visited in my 18 years of sailing the seas!"
Youngest daughter who likes to remain quiet as if the sea-dogs got her tongue whispered, Dad err... Captain Dad these crab rangoons be good says me. Since she be on my coin, I sampled one me self! Crispy wonton wrappers stuffed with sweet imitation crab be right fit as a hungry pirate's plunder! My grub be the catch of the day - the sesame shrimp spire. Foiled and betrayed says I! These weren't tempura at all, rather fried shrimp!!! Angry be me, said I as there's a difference between fried and tempura. Not failing to mention the slaw be nothing but shredded cabbage with a side of sauce for the shrimp! I'd be thrown in the brig for offering such a measly dish.
The worst crime was still to be committed. For the boyfriend ordered Napalm wings. I be sitting on my throne waiting to laugh at such a stupid gesture. One, two, three wings went down and no tears, no ripping of flesh, no wailing of torture! I demanded: Walk the plank or tell me the secret to your resistance to fire ye landlubber? With a nervous twitch he shot back, these wings ain't hot, cappin! Arrrr, I responded with anger, let me try ye sauce. My hook took a small sample as I can't take heat and let my tongue walk on fire. Alas, what is this made of; milk of a cow, ice of the cream? These people lie of their provisions, it's not hot at all! My plans of watching the young deckhand burn in fire were thwarted!
Ok, back to reality here, I've never been a fan of poor service from a good-looking lady. It wasn't the worst I've experienced but it was far from great. Next some of their menu items are misrepresented. The napalm wings are about as tame as they could be, as I would compare them to medium at other joints. The tempura shrimp was basically fried so an adjust on verbiage would help as I was disappointed in what I got. Overall, the place isn't bad but not great. Although the ambiance with plenty of TV screens and a large bar would be great to catch a live sporting event. Now then, be it that I be a pirate cappin', I won't be back as I live leagues away. If I do drop anchor in this port again I'd be tempted to stop by but only when I see two swabbies wrestling over stolen coins.
