The title of this review is: New Rider Etiquette, aka, The Stuff They Won't Tell You on…read moremetrotransit.org.
It honestly wouldn't surprise me if all the suburban express buses (and not just Woodbury) operated in a similar fashion so make sure you have your peepers open and approach with caution if you don't want to commit a heinous social gaffe that will brand you and your mistake in the memories of all your fellow riders until another newbie shows up and makes the same scandalous faux pas.
If you are 1) observant, 2) have your money or bus pass in hand before boarding the bus and 3) understand this concept of standing in a line and patiently waiting your turn, you should be okay. The first time I rode the bus here, I had a solid grasp of #1 and #2 because these same skills are required to ride the CTA buses and trains in Chicago. But 3#??? Waiting in a line? Being patient? OH HELL NO!
In Woodbury, the first person to arrive at the bus stop (if the next bus has not arrived yet) becomes the Line Starter. To ensure proper Line Formation, the Line Starter must be able to identify west from east. For starters: the entrance to the theater faces north (towards Target). There are maybe 6 doors that make up this entrance and it is the responsibility of the Line Starter to identify the westernmost door at this entrance and to stand there confidently, as if it say, "I am First. I will be the First Person to board the bus. You must all stand Behind me."
After that, each subsequent arrival must join the line in the order they got there.
If you fuck up, nobody will say anything. But they will STARE. The will STARE DAGGERS. And they will SILENTLY HATE YOU. And if they are standing next to somebody they know (maybe they know each other from church or maybe they live in the same subdivision or maybe they work for the same company) one will comment quietly to the other, "uh-oh, looks like a newbie. Normally I'd say something but I'm ______ (fill in the blank with an excuse) today." And every time I hear that, I'm like, "Oh Shutup! You would never say anything! And neither will any of the rest of us!! Quit giving yourself airs!"
As soon as the bus arrives, everyone then boards the bus in a neat and orderly fashion. Thus ends part one of the lesson.
Part two begins at the end of the workday when the bus is pulling back into the park and ride lot and everyone has begun to wrap up their iPod cords, put away their newspapers and put bookmarkers in the appropriate spot. As soon as the bus stops, DO NOT STAND UP. STAY WHERE YOU ARE.
Everyone on the bus deboards from the front to the back of the bus. You do not stand up until it is your turn to join the line of people exiting the bus. If you are sitting at the back of the bus and you stand up prematurely, people will immediately assume that you are a line jumper. That you are trying to exit the bus before it is your turn. They will stare at you. They will shoot invisible laser beams into your torso. They will silently criticize you and judge you for your inability to be an observant witness to the complex social orders that are at work on the bus.
Messed up, isn't it? I've been riding the bus to and from this location for the past 8 months and I'm still amazed at the depth of reach that social strictures can have on a group of strangers. It's astonishing that a group of Minnesotans (and Woodburians, at that, who are even more nice than the atypical kind of Minnesota nice, if that's even possible) all managed to decide to do the same thing, every day, and probably all without ever talking to each other or acknowledging the reasons we all feel this deep urging to do this because I'm not going to lie: I like the orderliness and cleanliness of a line too.
And humans like to color themselves amazed by patterns of bird migrations. Pfft.
