If you take a look at the website for this place, it gives the vibes that it's a very traditional,…read more"old world family recipe" type of place. You know, the kind of place where everything is fresh made and has that special taste that is indescribable but you crave it again a day later. That's the feel that "Chef" Paolino's website gives... In reality, it's actually nothing more than just a subs and pizza shop. Let's press on, gentle reader.
I ordered four items over the phone to be picked up by me. The fellow on the phone was very pleasant and I told him so when I picked up the order. The order was a cheese steak sub with fries, a veal parmigiana sub with extra heavy sauce and extra heavy cheese, a baked Ziti dinner, and an order of onion rings.
The baked ziti dish was just OK, if not a bit bland. It lacked seasoning and basically any flavor. It wasn't horrible, but I mean you have to be a real imbecile to fuck up pasta, sauce, and cheese. It was edible, but definitely below the quality of a frozen entree from Stouffer's or Michelina's though, ironically they are much better. The best part of the Ziti entree is that they give you a big portion, enough for two people-- but, as my dad used to say, "Son, two of shit it still shit".
The cheese steak was shockingly bad. It was full of tough ligaments, and to be critical, I think even Arby's puts more and better meat in their Cheesesteak. It was pretty lame looking. Mr. X said it was practically inedible. On top of that, cheese was really nowhere to be found inside with the meat, and yes, we ordered the deluxe version.
I am obsessed with veal parm subs. I'm always on a hunt for a better one. I always ask for extra sauce and very, very heavy cheese. I always tell them "pretend like you're making a cheese sub-- then add some veal and sauce". My direction went unheard. See pic. Not only was this perhaps the worst veal parm sub I have ever had, but there was no sign of heavy cheese and not really much sauce at all. In fact, there was nearly none of each. It was so bad I had to take a picture. Much of both ends of the sub didn't even have meat! And why do they just melt a big round piece of cheese right on top of the entire sub? Most of the cheese is on the bread!! Note to "Chef"-- cheese goes INSIDE the sub, not on top of it.
The worst part of the entire event however was the fries and onion rings, which were laughable. Does "Chef" Paolino's grandmothers "Old World recipes" include frozen crinkle cut french fries shaken out of a Sysco bag and onion rings that are worse than Burger Kings? I make no exaggeration here. These were perhaps the most ridiculous fries and onion rings I ever had. There was literally almost NO onion in them!!! These have got to be the cheapest products they can buy.
No matter what the website says about their "Old World Family Recipes", it's bullshittery. There ain't NOTHING special about this place. It's a PIZZA AND SUBS shop that makes some meh dinner options for folks with lower expectations. By the way, this bag of shit cost almost $60.00. Not a typo. Kids would probably like the pizza, and maybe some dogs if they aren't too finicky of eaters would too.
I'm going to give 1 star-- for the guy answering the phone.
