A High Five to Big 5! Thanks for being there [which kind of reminds of the movie..."Being There",…read morewhich is quite funny & is even pertinent to today's goof-balls]!
Congrats also to me, since I have had my shots [not Rabies] & so far remained semi-sane, but now am a proud owner of a
SUMO-C-19 Ultra Jumbo Belly [TM:)].
If you too have managed to also sprout a SUMO-C-19 Ultra Jumbo or even just a slightly smaller Regular Jumbo Belly, then get here STAT!
Big 5 has Belly Busting prices [with the multitude of email alerts] and some equipment & supplies to make either a dent in your waistline [not in your wallet] or at least impress your diabolical iwatch, which is always spying on my Coach-Potato ways.
My demonic iWatch conspires with my dastardly iPhone to constantly defame me/you on my/your slothful ways.
Mark my words, it even tracked your slothfulness for the whole duration of the pandemic.
You get NO CREDITS for even living thru this nightmare, nor saving you & others from disease, nor death. It is ruthlessly judgmental & belongs in North Korea & not here. I am almost sure Kim Jung iLL had some hand in hacking these devices to demoralize patriotic people like me. The big Kim J. iLL or KiLL for short is really suspect.
So yes, in part, my [K]i[LL]-devices made me come here...especially the pulse & EKG readings [I will not even acknowledge the horrid Cardio goals which I rarely meet...EEK!].
Once you somehow convince yourself that there are more things in life beyond eating Cheese Puffs & staring in horror at the idiot box waiting for any given Apocalypse scenario, you start to contemplate even walking up hills & mountains....
for FREE EVEN! Idiotic, I know!
I do not think the lord would have let us invent flat smooth sidewalks, if he/she/other still wanted us to crawl ape-like up barren slopes...all the while being exposed to various Grey Wolf/Wolves [only one they say..but it takes only one rabid one to do you in...it's GPS tells us that it crossed the 101, but not where it is...ha...so useful!], rabid mountain lions, rabid bears, rabid Coyotes, & worst of all
rapid rabid Rabbits! EEK!
Anyway, since it I have to weight the relative dangers of rabid humans vs. rabid wildlife, I figure I will go with the dangers of wildlife anyway....but almost always bring one or two sticks with me...
just in case a rabid mountain biker gets too hungry.
The good humans at Big 5, DO NOT JUDGE YOU & are quite polite...at least to Geezers like me [THANKS!]. Not like my darned PCP, who is not even happy with the lowest Cholesterol reading in all my life!
Anyway, after tormenting myself with almost weekly death defying walks or hikes for around two months, I decided to start upgrading my stuff. Some quite needed, like a trade in for my worn New Balance 99X "Made in the USA" fine {slippery on slopes} running sneakers to a generic made in Vietnam synthetic one with HUGE GRIPPY KNOBS on the bottom.
If you have a SUMO-C-19 Ultra Jumbo Belly you definitely need HUGE GRIPPY KNOBS on either your bottom or on your soles, not souls.
While you are busy gawking at the all the Gizmos on sale, at this almost lone relic of Brick & Mortar Pre-history, you may find other stuff you may not need. Since you are a guilt ridden rabid iWatch tormented confused ovoid human, you may even buy a Hydration Backpack. Even if you happen to be overtaken & overrun by blind arthritic decrepit rabid Rabbits, at least they can have a drink to go with one's bloated obese spherical shape.
Why for Fauci's-sake would I pay $50 for a plastic Pickleball Racquet? Likely because I happen to see some other stir crazy young non-decrepit humans play this lame sport on the city's Tennis Courts....and since I am now a decrepit old Geezer, I thought...why not own yet another Sport Object that I may never use?
At the very least, the lot of nice UA 77% Cotton socks that I grabbed here on a good sale can be also be used on the coach & are hardware compatible with Cheese Doodles.
Cheese Doodles & Big 5 Socks do not judge one and best of all they do not begin with an i.....
Thanks Big 5... [I have been please with Big 5's in Pismo/SLO, but will check out the other Coastal 3 for things that are out of stock]!
Now where oh.... where is my Thorazine...and what is that foam coming out of my mouth?
For fun, here is the incremental order of my ascent into "Hiking Delirium":
1-Use worn running sneakers on hike= slip & slide but mask stays on.
2-Use unused Costco hiking sticks stuck in car trunk for years.
3-Contact Running WH on line in SLO to send prof. hiking sneakers via UPS...not fitted.
4-Hike, slide more, get hot & thirsty, pass out, & EMTs called.
5-Return Running WH sneakers to them since they do not fit & reorder & repeat twice...still do not fit!
6-After 3+ visits to various Big 5's, get much of what I need for less $$$!
7-Still forget essential stuff in car, like H2O.
i-Dummy!
