When I found out that my beloved companion Mocha had inoperable and aggressive cancer, my thoughts rapidly turned to not only how to best keep her healthy and happy for the remainder of her life, but also to when and how that life would end. You see, when my other dog was ravaged two years earlier by long-term complications of kidney disease, I decided to have him euthanized at home. I thought it would be nice for him; I thought it would be calm, comfortable, placid. Well, without going into details, I'll just say that it didn't exactly work out that way. I think my regular vet is a great surgeon and a good doctor, and quite the Labrador expert, and I just never thought to plan out the details of a death with him. I figured, hey, vets have all this worked out, they know what to do, how to best ensure that things will go smoothly, calmly. After the traumatic experience of realizing that I was wrong, I vowed to not let that happen again.
So when I learned that Mocha was terminal and didn't have long, before I even left the specialist's office, I was explaining my concerns and my reasons for them, and asking how I could arrange for what I felt would be a more suitable method of euthanizing. The vet I was talking to recommended a couple mobile doctors to me, so that scheduling would be easier, and Dr. Ort was at the top of the list. When I called my regular vet to let him know about these same concerns, he also recommended Dr. Ort.
I didn't call right away. I really didn't even want to think about what was coming, let alone talk about it, let alone to a stranger. But when I saw things beginning to go downhill rapidly (in retrospect, about 2 weeks before the end), I made myself make the call. The person I talked to sounded very concerned about my reservations and assured me that Dr. Ort's methodology would be in line with my expectations. A couple days before the end, I could tell that Mocha was done; her cancer had sucked everything out of her that it could. She was just skin and bones and really hadn't eaten in a couple days...she was calm, now that she wasn't fighting to keep food down, but she was almost out of energy, no longer able to jump up on the bed, barely able to ascend the stairs, and her walking was becoming unsteady. She wasn't in pain, but she didn't have much time left, and I didn't feel that becoming immobile and/or starving to death was something that she wanted, or that I would want for her; she still had her dignity. It was time, and I called and spoke with Dr. Ort, who managed to clear up a slot. I again reiterated my past experience and concerns, and she seemed genuinely concerned and interested in making sure the experience was positive and conscientiously implemented.
When Dr. Ort arrived, she was both fully open to understanding what we wanted for Mocha and for the time, and ready to clearly and openly discuss her intentions and procedures. Nothing was rushed, everything was calm. The emotion and concern were real and palpable, and exactly what was needed. And she obviously was well-versed in how to do this, quite in line with my desires and expectations.
The morning was spent making Mocha comfortable, feeding her little morsels of just about anything she wanted, and just mutually enjoying what time we had left. Mocha made friends with Dr. Ort and her assistant, and we all spent some time together, making sure that we were all ready.
I don't think I can really describe what Mocha's passing was like, other than to say it was an incredibly powerful moment, filled with emotion, and that inasmuch as a death can be beautiful, it was just that. Mocha ended her life with her head in my hands, her last breaths peaceful and easy, slipping first from consciousness to sleep and then when it was finally over, we all shared a moment of sadness. Dr. Ort was right there with us, I feel like she was a friend to Mocha and to us and was not in any way a hindrance to the moment; in fact, she made it what it needed to be, exactly what I wanted it to be, exactly what it should be.
I feel a bit weird and guilty just writing about how she dealt with euthanizing my girl, and about meeting her for the first time that morning, but you know, sometimes things just are what they are. "DVM" is a great start, a necessary one in fact, but any vet I see will have that, and it doesn't say one thing about compassion or caring or empathy. I can tell you that if...no, when...I have another dog, I intend to call upon Dr. Ort, and not just simply because of those three little letters. It doesn't hurt that she's located just around the corner from us either. This is a lady I want to take care of my companions, not just in death, but in life. And I have no doubt she takes the same care in all her work that she did with us last Friday morning.
Thank you Dr. Beverly! read more